With the numbers of kids who carry a diagnosis of a psychiatric or developmental disorder skyrocketing, more and more parents are looking for answers when their kid seems a little out of step.
And in the process, they may uncover some new insights about themselves.
A story over the weekend in the New York Times talked about the phenomenon of parents who find, when their child is diagnosed with a disorder such as Asperger's or attention deficit disorder, that it sheds new light on their own peculiarities and struggles –and sometimes even that of their parents or grandparents.
One mom, Susan Shanfield, quoted in the article described it as saying "Well, that's us; our family is like that" when teachers began complaining that her son was slouching, not interactive and unusual in school. Turns out the boy had a neuro-lingual disorder and is now getting help.
Shanfield began looking at her own life, and talking to her father as well. Through that lens, many of the difficulties they had each faced growing up began to make sense, and they became closer as a result.
Of course, it’s risky business for a parent to self-diagnose. Often, in a sense of solidarity with their child, they may overemphasize certain of their own traits to be more in line with their child's diagnosis. On a positive note, parents can find themselves serving as translator and champion for their child, because they are able to understand them on a deep level.
This hits home for me because I am seeing plenty of my own ADD traits replicated in my own daughter. I'm glad she's growing up now, when it's understood you don't need to be a boy or especially overactive to have ADD, and when kids with all kinds of issues who once were written off as "just weird" now have a diagnosis and a way to get help. I think these parents from the article might agree.
