Forget sack races and girls outings and mommy-and-me music classes: The CW network has just killed the sweet, innocent joy in every mom-and-girl activity by taking the most grotesque thing ever and televising it. Tonight is the premiere of Crowned. Mom and daughter teams live in a house, hiss at the other family units, and compete in--ta da!--a mother-daughter beauty pageant. Because beauty pageants and stage moms and women who fairly panic about losing their looks aren't nearly sad enough on their own: We have to see a combination, and then some. As Jessica said, "I just can't wait for the stretch mark montage where the moms cry about
how their 'badges of honor' have all been worth it now that their
daughters are anorexic and compulsive exercisers with tiaras and
sceptors and then the daughters cry about how they hope they never get
stretch marks like their moms even though their moms are like,
otherwise, totally awesomely cool people." Sure enough.
In case you were wondering what the critics think of the show, please check out Jezebel's neat round-up of the unanimous barfing this show induced. I like what the LA Times said: "If any of the negotiating members of the Writers Guild and studio
alliance are reading this, I'm begging: Please return to the bargaining
table and end this strike. Because the CW's Crowned: The Mother of All
Beauty Pageants debuts tonight and I'm telling you, as a television
consumer and a human being, the center will not hold." It's a good reminder that there's cheesy, awful reality shows that are fun to watch, and wretched, nauseating reality shows that just necessitate a shower and a lobotomy.
