Bill Murray once proclaimed in his role as the cynically self-absorbed TV Executive Frank Cross in Scrooged who discovers the spirit of Christmas, “It’s the time of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, and we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be.”
Unfortunately, there are Grinches out there though with tight shoes, small hearts and heads that aren’t screwed on just right that hate the Christmas season; those who drum their fingers and growl in their caves that they must find a way to stop Christmas from coming.
Like the burglars who broke into the Hunter’s Horn Pub in Whitby, Ontario and stole a donation jug containing approximately $8,000 raised by pub regulars for a party for 32 local children then slunk to the icebox and took the Whos' feast! They took the Who-pudding and took the roast beast! Or the crooks that lifted more than 50 grand in electronic equipment and other gifts including pop guns, bicycles, roller skates, drums, checkerboards, tricycles, popcorn, and plums from the Atlanta Empty Stocking Fund, a charity that serves more than 40,000 underprivileged children.
From the top of Mt. Crumpet or from the fold-out couches of their squalid one-bedroom studio apartments, I imagine these Grinches put their hands to their ears expecting to hear all the Whos down in Whoville, the kids in Ontario and the children of Atlanta cry BOO-HOO. Yet the sound rising over the snow wasn’t sad, it was the Hunter’s Horn Pub regulars along with Whitby community members and local businesses responding to the theft by raising more money that was stolen in the first place. It was the people of Atlanta, a local radio station hosting a 50-hour marathon and a retail food chain that initiated a 4-day campaign collecting more than triple the value of the items stolen.
The sound was the spirit of Christmas and I’m with Frank Cross on this one. For a few weeks our hearts grow three-sizes and we are all the people we always hoped we would be. It’s why even when the Salvation Army Bell Ringers set up in front of every Target, shopping center entrance, post office, and strip mall deafen us with their incessant clanging we still dig deep into our pockets for whatever extra change lies within. It’s also why when low-life scumbags, who most certainly do things with their dogs besides dress them up like reindeer, try to steal Christmas from children we come together as a community, sing a chorus of Da-Who Dorays Fa-Who Forays and make sure Christmas comes just the same.
As for the thieves, I hope they all choke on bamboozles and plunkers.
About makeitadouble
I'm a pretend-to-work-at-work-dad trying to become a pretend-to-work-at-home-dad. I am also the father of two boys, one who refuses to sleep and one who refuses to eat, and the husband of one exceptionally tolerant woman. We all share their house in upstate New York with an 11 year old, bowlegged, chain smoking, narcoleptic housecat and an imaginary leprechaun named King Brian. My penchant for obscure pop culture references, self-flagellation and an unhealthy obsession with his Microsoft Word Thesaurus plug-in make my posts practically unreadable at times. My claims to fame include once performing an emergency Brazilian with a glow stick, a Sugar Daddy and fabric swatches, being named to the 2003 Top 10 Most Butte-tiful People of Montana List and writing an episode of Lost, all of which are completely untrue. I write about all this and more at my blog Make it a Double. I've got a heavy pour and you can't beat the prices.
