Coulrophobia, or the fear of clowns, is one of the most searched-for phobias on the internet right behind Lockiocoulrophobia, which is a fear of giving birth to a clown, Claustrocoulrophobia, which is a fear of being trapped in a confined place with a clown and Glossocoulrophobia, which is a fear of speaking in public to an audience of clowns.
Over 1 Billion people on Earth, a number that does not include Russian cosmonaut and outspoken Coulrophobe Michael Tyurin who is currently serving aboard the International Space Station, suffer the crippling paralysis associated with Coulrophobia; symptoms that include panic attacks, shortness of breath, irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea and feelings of dread. Alright, I may have made up that number up, but here’s one I didn’t make up.
The UK’s leading research agency surveyed more than 250 children ages four to 16, and all, not some and not most but ALL, disliked the use of clowns in hospital décor; the teenagers surveyed even went so far as to say that clowns are scary. The results of this survey (i.e. something all of us already knew) have caused hospitals to seriously rethink decorating children’s wards with paintings of clowns in case 1) they might frighten children 2) the children in the ward were born Post-Vaudevillian era and 3) the children would rather not see paintings reminiscent of a Stephen King dust jacket or Pogo the Clown. Think I’m kidding? There’s a excellent chance I may possibly not be.
Tony "Bluebottle" Eldridge, secretary of Clowns International the Oldest World Clown Association and director of the Clown Museum in London, thinks it would be sad if hospitals no longer had pictures of clowns with which to scare kids. "We live in a world where everything is banned and it has got rather silly." Lamented Bluebottle (is it just me or does anyone else suddenly want a Labatt’s?) Hear Hear Bluebottle! How dare science conduct a survey that proves children are not only afraid of clowns, but afraid of paintings of clowns as well? How dare they then use that research to rid children’s wards in hospitals of all clown imagery? For shame Economic and Social Research Council, for shame.
The good news is this research will not affect my side-business of performing at adult parties as my alter ego Libido the Clown. My specialty is balloon animals with the most popular request being the Trouser Snake. My New Years Eve booking just fell through so if you’re looking for entertainment for your New Years party I can be contacted through the comments section of this post.
(Image Credit: www.sciencefictionfantasyhorror.com)
