Oh precious, sweet childbirth ... The screaming. The constant whining. The incessant, "I'm going to kill you" and "why did you do this to me?" Hell-loh moms -- you're not the only people going through this magical, mysterious moment of fluid excretion. So stop being so selfish, think of the dads for a moment and take. some. dope.
Now as much as Bill might hate to admit it, we are, in fact, a nation that's not doped up enough -- especially when it comes to childbirth. He says nearly 90 percent of women have an epidural during childbirth, and I say that's 10 percent too few. Let's try to reach the 100 percent mark, shall we.
"But I want it to be natural," you say. Please, there's nothing natural about two shifts of nurses sticking tubes up your yahoo while your mother-in-law pipes in from the corner with "Nicely groomed!" Who wouldn't want drugs during this special moment of familial bonding?
Mostly, however, all that carrying on is really uncomfortable for others in the labor room. Frankly, these things take awhile, and it'd be nice to catch a little shut eye at three in the morning instead of listening to constant, disbelieving rants along the lines of: "What? It's only three centimeters? Three!" or "Drop! Drop damn you drop!" Come on, it can't be that painful. And if it is -- if, I say, if -- I say hack the back and get some sleep. Really, it's better for everyone involved.
