You don’t need me to tell you McDonald’s is marketing to your kids.  They want to snag your juniors early and mold them into lifetime users.  In America, McDonald’s ropes tikes in with Playlands, toys in meals and easy going clown/nightmare fodder Ronald McDonald.  Japanese McDonald’s, however, know what your kids really want: sex.

It’s only a matter of time before us puritanical Americans catch up with those forward thinking Japanese and give a sex overhaul to our beloved brands. I’m looking forward to the Pillsbury Dough Boy as portrayed by a Pussycat Doll. Poke her in the stomach and you’ll get a surprise.  Then there’s Hugh Hefner’s polygamous trio of playboy bunnies as Snap, Crackle and Pop.  Charlie the Tuna: Courtney Love.  All of it will make you way hungrier for crescent rolls, rice crispies and canned fish and totally won’t leave you feeling creepy for being aroused. 

I have to add this bit. When accused that burgers are detrimental to the Japanese diet,  Den Fujita, the first McDonald's Japan president, said: "The reason Japanese people are so short and have yellow skins is because they have eaten nothing but fish and rice for 2,000 years. If we eat McDonald’s hamburgers and potatoes for a thousand years we will become taller, our skin become white and our hair blond."

Gives me a few ideas for new McDonald’s slogans:

McDonald’s: Official Hamburger of the Aryan Race.

McDonalds: Hey Japan, want a burger? No? How about a little Asian on Asian racism? Now you want a burger?

McDonald’s: Sex, Stereotypes and Shakes.

Feel free to compare the above video to this one of the OG Ronald.  You've come a long way, baby!