Strollerderby

I'm not sure how I feel.  With my first, I thought I was prepared for everything, but I wasn't.  I wasn't prepared to be engorged when he was about 3 days old and he wouldn't eat.  I resorted to using some of the formula samples and that began a battle that lasted until he was totally weaned at about 6 months.  I felt like a failure and I think that having the formula in the house just made it easier to give in.

With my daughter I didn't take any of the samples home and she breastfed until she weaned at about 19 months.  I don't know what would have happened with my first if I hadn't had those samples... there's no way to know that.  But when it's 11 p.m. and your baby is screaming, you are crying and your husband is ready to tear his hair out, it's easier to reach for the formula than to go online or pick up a book to look for solutions.

I think all the formula samples should be literally outlawed.  Formula is inferior to breast milk in every way.  We should be doing everything possible to promote and support breastfeeding because it is healthier, cheaper, more eco-friendly and really easier than formula feeding.  People trust doctors, hospitals, and authority figures in general, so they think "if the hospital hands out this stuff it has to be good."  If you throw in a lactation consultant or nurse at the hospital who is misinformed or unhelpful, well, you've set up a breastfeeding failure.  There are very few women who cannot breastfeed because of a physical problem; most use formula because they don't have the necessary support, information and role models.

wow, froggemom. thanks for deciding what is right for *everyone.* i couldn't decide on my own, you know. even with everyone and every book (and even my can of formula) screaming "breast is best!" you must have had an easy-peasy time breastfeeding, judging from your sanctimommious tone. lucky you.

you are EXACTLY what gives mamas like me (who physically *couldn't* breastfeed) the shivers and shakes and made me feel like absolute shit when i was struggling in abject pain to breastfeed. did i mention i HAD "support, information, and role models" to help me?  yeah, i did. but when you PHYSICALLY cannot breastfeed, you just can't. period. If you don't like formula, don't use it!

I had a very difficult time with breastfeeding when I first started. My baby would only nurse from the left side, and would scream and cry when I would try to put him on the right. My right side became so engorged that I had to rent a breast-pump to drain it. My nipples cracked and bled, and there were several times when I cried through a feeding.

There were several times when I said that I wanted to quit and asked my husband to go to the store and buy formula. However, I always stopped him when he went to put on his jacket. If there was already formula in the house, I may well have used it. Thankfully, there wasn't. We worked through our problems, and my son is now 12 months old and still nurses several times a day.

The vast majority of women are capable of breastfeeding, most are simply not well prepared for how difficult it can be at first. Formula companies take advantage of this fact and exploit it,  destroying what could have been a special bond between mother and child.

You hear about women like Froggermom, but I've never encountered one in real life. It's a good thing the Doctors and Nurses in the NICU didn't share your attitude when our daughter had so much trouble latching on. I guess she should have starved for her first week so we could have a green baby.

What I'd like to see is a study of how many Moms have been turned off of breastfeeding by all or nothing zealots. Luckily we we're surrounded by an educated medical staff and supportive parents who showed us the benefits of both methods of feeding our daughter and who ended up breastfeeding for 18 months, with the occasional formula bottle.

I've never understood why new moms are encouraged to "talk to your doctor" before you feed your baby solids, use an over the counter medication, put cream on a rash, etc. but they are given free samples of artificial infant milk which, if used, will irrevocably change baby's intestinal flora and immune system while compromising mom's long-term milk supply.  Introducing formula is something that should be done under the support, care, and supervision of a doctor and/or lactation consultant.

Like sandeesez, I was physically unable and no one was ever able to find an explanation.  So yes, I was grateful to have the samples, taking a small bite out of the pile of moola I had to spend on something.  

Now of course this is one of those studies that shows only a correlation, not causation.  There is no way to control for enough factors to tell whether that 39% of new moms would have stopped without the samples.  Did they go back to work?  (Not all jobs make pumping easy... or possible) Did they have physical problems like sandeesez and me?  

I really don't think that the majority of women who don't breastfeed are uninformed.  You'd have to be living under a rock to have missed the messages that 'Breast is Best' (or even 'Formula is Poison' from some quarters). I think most women who opt for formula (as opposed to those of us who simply can't produce) do it for any number of practical reasons.   And I really hate this implication that women are just so weak and empty-headed that we simply can't resist the siren call of a formula can.  

I had my first child at 21 and had an OB who had a breastfeeding party at her house.  I was set up with a "breastfeeding partner".  I wanted to do the right thing.  But when my son was born with a cleft lip, no one knew what to do--including me.  I tried pumping, I got an entire 1/4 oz in an hour.  Please tell me how this is supposed to sustain my baby.  

Second child--I was sure I would be able to do it this time.  I got a great breast pump, bought 7 nursing bras--etc.  This kid slept for 3-4 hours at a time.  When he came home, I thought he looked a little jaundiced, but according to my ped and the lactation consultant, he was fine.  It was my problem, I wasn't waking him often enough.  I called LaLeche and the woman I talked to asked me to tell her what happened when I pushed on his leg.  She then told me that he was jaundiced and if I didn't get some formula into him soon, he'd sleep and never wake up.  After 4 weeks and having him lose weight, I gave up.  

My youngest was in the NICU and by this time, I had given up on the dream--until the nurses handed me a breast pump and told me they expected some milk.  I went home and was able to pump about an ounce (double pump--90 minutes.)  I continued to pump, but it was never enough.  When he came home we supplemented for about 2 months.  

I did the lactation consultant thing.  I tried.  I wanted to breastfeed, but in the end, my children are fine.  I think every woman out there knows breastfeeding is best.  I don't think families who are unable to breastfeed should be "punished" because they don't do so for whatever reason.  If  you are afraid that it will be easier to chicken out because of the free samples, don't take them.  Give them back to the nurses who can give them to a family who will be able to use them.  Formula is expensive.  I know our family could have used a few extra samples.  

And for the record, I don't know of a family who has a child in the hospital who doesn't introduce formula under a doctor's supervision.

When I got pregnant with my second child I was so excited about being able to join an expectant mothers message board.  I quit after 3 weeks or so.  There are so many decisions to be made when having a child.  Cloth or disposable, to circ or not, breastfeeding or bottle.  I was tired of hearing that I somehow wouldn't love my child as much as the next person because I had chosen not to do something.  How I really wouldn't be a woman if I had an epidural.  I didn't know that if I really loved my unborn child, I wouldn't go to a hospital, but give birth in my home.

I would have loved to breastfeed, but I couldn't.  That doesn't make me inferior or not a great mom.  I bonded plenty with all of my children.  It is too bad we all can't get along.  

Wow, I'm glad I haven't met any moms like froggemom as well. I suppose I'm a huge sinner because I was actually thankful for the sample of mixed formula they sent us home with. I breastfeed as much as I can but I have problems that unfortunately make it hard to do it.

I have flat nipples which wasn't picked up on until after problems occur. Then my baby son is born with a high palette making it extremely hard to feed him. I managed in the hospital with lots of help (which really made my son hate nurses) but as soon as my milk came in it came in quick and hard. So as he is crying for an hour the first night he's home we break down and use the formula because I can't get my nipple into his mouth far enough. That makes me a horrible mom somehow because I want him to get the nutrients and food he needs through any way nessecary?

I did get the problem worked out...two days after the pain. Turns out I need a nipple sheild...but not just when I'm engorged. I need it EVERY time I breastfeed or else he can't get a good grip no matter what position. This makes it also very hard to feed him in public because he will rip down any blanket over his head. I gave up on the blanket.

But honestly, it's not right to condem women for turning to formula sometimes. It's entirely understandable and honestly, I'm glad we had the samples. Without that he would be dehydrated and starving. I can only produce so much and it's not enough for him. He can drain both breasts and still need an ounce or two more to be full.

I also feel the same way about the epidural I had. I don't regret it and am glad my husband talked with me about it before I went into labor. Mind you, my son was about ten pounds, 20 1/2 inches long, with a 14 inch head...and this is my first baby. If not for that epidural I'd have continued to throw up blood and possibly needed a c-section.

Sorry I derailed. Anyway, I think that as long as you love your children and raise them to the best of your abilities you're a good mom. Whether you choose to circ or not, use cloth diapers or not, or breastfeed and/or use formula...you're still a good mom if your kids are happy, full, and above all...loved. ^^

Just my two cents...shiny little pennies!

Sheri,

Wow, that makes me mad when "professionals" give out bad advice. It sounds like that lactation consultant didn't know what she was talking about. Hospitals do a bilirubin check before sending the baby home, and the majority of babies develop some level of jaundice within a few days of birth. It is rarely life threatening.  If your baby developes jaundice after coming home its still possible to breastfeed. You just need to go to the hospital regularly to do bili checks.

It is true that formula fed babies recover from jaundice quicker than breastfed babies. This is because the more fluid the baby gets the faster the bilirubin will get flushed out of their body. A jaundiced baby must be woken up every couple of hours to feed, regardless of the method of feeding. If the baby tries to doze off during the feeding, you can tickle their cheek or feet to keep them alert.

There are a lot of other things you can do to lower the bili levels. Placing the baby in the sunshine, either outside or through a window for 15 minute increments will break down the bilirubin. The worst thing that usually happens is that the baby might need to be put under a sun lamp in the hospital, which will happen if the bilirubin levels become dangerously high.

The more you supplement the lower the milk supply will become. If you are afraid of not producing enough milk for your baby the best thing to do is nurse them more often and keep them on the breast after your milk supply is drained. A woman's body can quickly adjust to meet the needs of their baby. Supplementing is just setting yourself up to fail.

I was lucky--I had no problems nursing my two boys.  Hopefully that luck will hold out when my third son is born in a few weeks.

That being said:  I took the bag with the samples of formula home.  It was a "just in case" sort of thing.  

What bothers me the most is the fact that we are assuming that a woman who just gave birth is incapable of making informed decisions about feeding her child.  I would never think that just because a hospital gave me some formula, they are suggesting formula is a better option.  

I seem to remember getting vouchers for portraits at Sears in that goody bag also.  Did that make me think the doctors were endorsing all products from Sears?  No.  It made me think, geez, Sears really wants me to spend some money getting some portraits taken of my wrinkly Winston Churchill look-a-like baby.  I didn't use the formula and I didn't have the portraits done.

Let's have a little faith that a woman who is capable of birth is capable of making decisions for her baby.

As someone who tried desperately, but failed, to feed both of my children nothing but breastmilk, I really hate the attitudes of people like froggemom.  All you do is make people feel bad.  I work in the health education field, and always thought I'd exclusively breastfeed my children.  Free formula samples wouldn't sway my opinion.

But, the reality of breastfeeding is that you never know what kind of challenges you might have til you try it.  Despite latching on well, both my daughter and son lost more than 10% of their birth weight while in the hospital, and both times I had to fight hospital staff to avoid giving them formula.  And both times I ultimately HAD to give them formula once I returned home from the hospital, because I didn't want them to lose any more weight.  This time, with my son (who is 5 weeks old today), it was the lactation consultant who urged me to increase the amount of formula I was giving him. Apparently my kids have a hard time getting sufficient milk out of my breasts, and so my supply is never enough.  Puts me into a terrible catch-22, because once we start with the formula, we seem to never be able to stop it.

Breastfeeding is great for those who have an easy time of it...  But for plenty of women, it is a HUGE challenge.  I suppose I could try to nurse or pump around the clock, but I have a 4-year old to take care of, and a life to live.  Although my daughter was supplemented with formula, she also breastfed for 18 months.  So I feel like we managed to find a solution to the challenges we faced.  But I know of plenty of other women who stopped nursing altogether because of excruciating pain or because of medication that they needed to take for chronic conditions, like MS or rheumatoid arthritis.  Whatever the reason, all of us truly want the best for our children, and don't need to be made to feel guilty if breastfeeding does not work out for us.  In a perfect world, everyone would do it, but it just doesn't go that smoothly for everyone.  

Wowee, wow... some serious defensiveness happening here.  The unfortunate part is that (other than her thumbs up on outlawing free samples), froggermom's comments were 100% factual.  No judgement needed - you all are heaping it on yourselves.

Ribrab,

Defensive???  Yep.  Unfortunately, cyberspace doesn't allow us to see each other's faces.  I don't know if she was stating a fact, or being greater than thou but I've met people in real life who think that if you don't breastfeed, you are abusing your child.  

As women, we all have enough "what if" guilt about our decisions.  We don't need more piled on.  I physically couldn't nurse.  Believe it or not, I do know about waking the baby every so often.  I do know that having a baby actually breastfeed as opposed to pumping will encourage my milk to come in.  My hospital gave my child a bilirubin test before he left.  I know about jaundice.  Hell, I joined LaLeche.  I read everything I could get my hands on.  I just couldn't do it.  When you have two people (a lactation consultant AND the president of our local LaLeche chapter) telling me I need to supplement--I did.  

I know as well as every woman who has posted here that breast is best.  But while formula isn't as great as breastmilk, it isn't poison either.  

Like I said before, women have a choice.  If you don't want the samples, you can say no.  But don't deny the rest of us something that we might need for fear that we might change our minds.

km and dena and the rest--

thanks so much and so glad you chimed in! LOL about the Sears portrait package thing...;) excellent point and i'm stealing that next time this ever comes up in conversation again. ;)

i love being a mom and i try to make the best imformed choices for my family. i assume everyone else is too. i wish others would give me the benefit of the doubt, too. peace.

You know what?  I'm so sick of this argument, I'm going to come out and say the shocking truth.  I had no problems breastfeeding whatsoever.  I decided to supplement with formula because I just felt like it.  I wanted my husband to have the opportunity to bond with our daughter the same way I did -- over dinner.  I also wanted to sleep.  And pumping made me feel like a cow, so I didn't do it.  Then I went back to work after my three-month maternity leave, and didn't want to excuse myself from meetings to pump.  So I stopped breastfeeding.  I just stopped.  I had a very slight tinge of sadness and then a huge feeling of relief.  After several months of trying to conceive, nine months of carrying our beautiful child and 48 hours of a pretty trying birth, I wanted my body back.  Pure and simple.

Wow, this just makes me livid. Froggermom wrote: "There are very few women who cannot breastfeed because of a physical problem." Cite your sources, lady. As I wrote in the follow up thread, my OB and my daughter's pediatrician would be to differ.

I struggled to breast feed my daughter -- she had absolutely no problems latching on -- I just wasn't making enough milk. She would cry, shoving her fists in her mouth, clearly frantic with hunger and the lactation consultant was telling me not to supplement because it would dry up my milk supply. I was literally nursing my daughter round the clock for weeks to no avail. Had I listened and not supplemented, my daughter would have continued to drop weight and we would have ended up in the hospital like so many others whose stories I have heard since.

If you can breast feed, wonderful. If you can't, or even just don't want to, it's okay it's your choice. For those of you who offer judgment and condemnation, STEP OFF!