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Top 5 Quickest Ways to Ensure Your Child Will Be Obese

Childhood obesity is an epidemic, if the studies and media are to be believed.  It doesn't take much anecdotal evidence to arrive at a similar conclusion, especially if one has the opportunity to walk through a suburban mall of any kind.  Serious chunky chickens walking around -- and some younger than three. Want to join the fun?

Here are five surefire ways to make sure your child gets fat and eventually obese, as soon as possible and hopefully by his or her 6th birthday.

1. Sugar It Up - High fructose corn syrup, that is. It's in everything from crackers to bread to cereal to juice.  If you buy only processed foods and prepacked goodies, your kid will get the highest dose of sugar possible with the lowest level of nutrition.

2. Feed Feed Feed - Overfed and undernourished is the name of the game. Less nutrition, more junk.  Skip vegetables, protein, and anything from the outside aisles of the grocery store and avoid homemade family meals as much as possible.

3. Baby Couch Potato - Kids like to run and jump and play.  The only way to make your life easier is to teach them to reeeelaaaax and calm down. Get them hooked on computer games, television, and call it edutainment.  Whatever it is, if they stop moving, they'll stop burning calories and start storing up for the big bellies they'll need later.

4. No Team Sports - Related to #3, please don't enroll your kids in any swim lessons, karate, baby yoga or team sports of any kind.  You don't want them learning the enjoyment of participating in anything other than side-by-side video games or movie watching. And team sports are an over-competitive crock anyway.

5. McDonald's - It's fast, it's cheap, it's pushing the latest Disney/Pixar venture. And it has a play area which ,unlike Gymboree, is free.  Featuring some of the absolute highest fat, highest sugar, worst food on the planet, McDonald's is the ticket to fattening up your baby fast!

And if absolutely nothing else works, keeping them up late and getting them up early (with loads of sugary treats in between) is a surefire way to guarantee they'll be obese for life

[Photo Credit: Random Fat Kids]  


Comments

 

leahsmom said:

Actually, the studies show that obesity rates in America have stabilized and haven't risen in 7 years.  Not that the media is willing to acknowledge this -- too much money in the diet industry generally, and too much money in fear mongering, particularly!  Keep us terrified, so we keep spending! And don't bother to organize for, you know, like, actual education in our schools and street safety. Oh, no - 100 calorie packs and boot camp training in school is much better!

Sorry, I just hate this obesi-panic.  It's not actually true, if you read the studies - which, by the way, show as much positive correlation with "overweight" as negative. I say, let your body be what weight it's supposed to be. Eat mostly healthy foods, work on other ways to handle stress - but #*(&$# the BMI and all the hype.

March 28, 2008 1:18 PM
 

MamaT said:

Well, whatever the studies say, there are a lot of obese kids and parents out there.  And it's too many.  

My husband and I both work in emergency medicine, and the majority of the heart attacks, strokes, diabetes complications, etc.  are happening to people who eat crappy and don't exercise and have the bellies to show for it.

I in no way think that people should be skinny rails who are fitness obsessed and never have down time or an occasional treat.  But we do need to look at taking responsibility for our own health and well-being, and a big part of that is healthy diet, exercise, and maintaining a healthy body weight.

At the very least, think of the logistics.  When real health problems occur - say a stroke or a cardiac event, time is brain and time is (cardiac) muscle.  If you're 170 pounds, you're getting out of your house and to the hospital quick.  If you're 370 pounds, it's going to take a lot longer for the medics and fire fighters to even get you out of the house.

No matter the weight, it's our jobs as parents to keep our children healthy, and that means feeding them healthy foods and letting them be active.

March 28, 2008 2:35 PM
 

Treespeed said:

I feel like the medical issues of obesity overshadow the simple quality of life issues. If your kid can't run a mile, go on a long hike or bike ride then it doesn't matter if they don't have any health problems.

It makes me sad when I hear about how much time other parents let their kids spend in front of a TV or computer and then wonder why they are fat.

March 28, 2008 4:02 PM
 

Maggie said:

A great book to help fight obesity is a book called "Feeding the Kids: The Flexible, No-Battles, Healthy Eating System for the Whole Family" by Pamela Gould and Eleanor P. Taylor. You can get it from Love and Logic at www.loveandlogic.com.

March 28, 2008 5:35 PM
 

Jeff F. said:

Great List! Getting you're kids involved with team sports is a very important factor in the battle against Childhood Obesity.

March 28, 2008 7:45 PM
 

Jensen Featherwood said:

LOL @ that <a href="http://www.randomfatkids.com">RandomFatKids.com</a> site...I seriously cannot stop laughing, evil as that may be...haaaaa

April 18, 2008 8:17 AM

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