Thank Gaia that biologist EO Wilson knows who is to blame for the decrease in biodiversity of species. No, it isn't the destruction of habitats or the introduction of foreign chemicals. No, the answer is much more clear-cut.

The true source for all blame is soccer moms.

Now that we know where to point our fingers, we can start solving the problem.

First step: Pave all soccer fields. If there is no soccer, clearly there can be no soccer mom.

Second step: Deflate soccer balls. See above.

Third step: Isolate every mother from all mention of soccer. Their minds are so impressionable.

Dads, however, can talk about the s-word as much as they want, because they are strong, both in word and deed. Plus, they are biologically unfit to join the blight destroying our natural world.

Next, Wilson will explain the link between soccer moms and global warming. I smell a Nobel Prize.

Illo credit: www.momgadget.com