Facing problems of recruitment and retention, the Army has
turned to unorthodox measures to keep its soldiers happy. At the end of March,
18 military couples (in all but one case, the husband was the soldier) gathered
at an Army-hosted retreat in an effort to bring one of the less talked about
casualties of war—stable marriages—into the open. In the wake of 15-month
deployments, divorce rates among officers shot up from 2.9 percent to 3.9
percent in 2004. And studies show that war puts a deep strain on the couples
who decide to stay together as well.
Delicately termed “marriage education” (to avoid the
touchy-feely connotation with the words “therapy” or “counseling”), the
weekend’s discussions, which were facilitated by marriage therapists, aired
marital stress stemming from soldiers’ emotional distance, guilt, decreased
interest in parenting, and temper control problems. One wife complained that
her husband spoke to her as if he were still issuing commands to his troops. “I
am your wife, not someone working under you,” she said.
According to the New York Times, many of the officers seemed
uncomfortable and even resentful being asked to openly discuss their
emotions—which is precisely what many of their wives hoped to change. Several
of the women expressed frustration that their husbands are so private about
their experiences in Iraq,
and welcomed the therapists’ suggestion that talking openly is essential to
a happy marriage after war. But these 17 men, a tiny fraction of the soldiers whose family lives have been disrupted by the war in Iraq, seemed to remain unconvinced.
