So what exactly is it about Chuck E. Cheese, um, entertainment centers that inspires violence and crime? Perhaps it's the infernal noise of fifty video games beeping wildly. Maybe it's the fact that there's a giant mouse walking around and everyone pretends that's normal, just like they do at Disneyland--and someday I'll tell you about the time the guy in the mouse costume actually groped me. It could be the animotronic creatures that line the walls, punctuating the din with even noisier singing and clacking (though to be honest, I don't even know if they have those animals anymore, this is a childhood memory we are mining here.) Could be the wretched pizza, the sticky floors, the crying and the ultimate frustraton that is skeeball.

What the hell am I talking about? Well, a Pennsylvania Chuck E. Cheese has seen 18 calls to police in a year, including one for a 20-person brawl. And no one can exactly pinpoint whether it's the older kids or the parents who are causing all the ruckus. Plus, this isn't an isolated incident by any means. All I'm saying is that when folks are afraid to go to a kid party joint without an escort, something has gne terribly, horribly wrong.