It's official: my kids have the most boring books in America (and, alternatively, the most boring parents, too).

Not only do we not have the new kids book on plastic surgery, we also don't have It's Just a Plant, a 48-page children's story on why Mommy and Daddy get high.

Here's the beginning of the story in a tightly packed nutshell:

One night, little Jackie walks in on her mom and daddy passing a joint. Rather than scream or wave the smoke away or stammer and call them "happy candles," Mom and Dad invite Jackie onto their bed where Mom introduces the term "marijuana." (Dad's totally bogarting the joint while mom does the talking: see above pic). Turn the page and there's a jarring picture of Jackie and one of her parents whose clothes appear to be referencing the Sgt. Pepper's album cover, and you're like, "what are they, high?" Turns out it's Halloween (random!) and they're riding bikes to Farmer Bob's -- Mommy and Daddy's weed man.

Farmer Bob tells Jackie about the different parts of the marijuana plant. He confesses he doesn't smoke it since it "just makes me sleepy." (Farmer Bob, I so feel you!) Then Jackie's mom takes her to see Dr. Eden (note the trippy interior). Dr. Eden explains marijuana is just for grown-ups, not for kids.

Later, they walk by a group of guys, whom Jackie fingers like a little narc, "you're smoking marijuana!" at which point these men (all black, which might be relevant later on in the book, not sure, feels weird though) all tell her their preferred term for ganga/reefer/cheeba cheeba/sweet leaf ...

In comes an Officer Of The Law! "Hands against the wall!" Jackie's confused. The officer explains to the incredulous girl, "these men were smoking what I call grass!" 

Which is when Jackie learns what her parents do is illegal, and also the cliffhanger moment.

Hey, anybody know how the story ends? Does Jackie become an activist? Or does she turn her parents in at the behest of her school's D.A.R.E. program officer?

Anybody shelling out the $15 for a little help in discussing their own Smoking While Parenting lifestyle? 

Let's make some predictions? What's next in kids lit? Why Mommy Needs to Swab Your Cheek: Life After the FLDS Compound? 

Image: It's Just a Plant