I was born in in 1992 (or whenever) in Tennessee.  I love horses and makeup and boys and Facebook.  My fans are so kickin.  I was rocked to sleep each night with Daddy singin' "Achy Breaky Heart."  My Daddy used to have a mullet and now it's all grown out so he's hawt. My Mom is trippin and I like to sing and kiss boys and wear cute underwear.

But Dad and Mom or so totally rude.  They won't give me MY money or let me and my new boyfriend post pictures of ourselves on the Web.  

The End.

Or something.  The (very wealthy) Tween Queen is being paid serious dosh to write a tell-all memoir, at the vastly experienced age of 15.  Imagine!

By the time the book comes out, the Hannah Montana star will no doubt have left very little to the imagination, if the rumor about Vanity Fair proves true.