Come Sunday, most of us will receive the standard Mother's Day sentiments, pre-printed by the good people at Hallmark. Our children will hand us a card that says some nice but generic stuff about how we brighten their lives simply by being their mommy. The words will be lovely and sweet and forgettable.

But what would happen if the kids got seriously blunt in their holiday greetings? We might not like what we hear but we mos def wouldn't forget it. With that in mind, here are the Top Five Things You Don't Want to Read in a Mother's Day Card: 

5.

Front of card: "I look at moms like Angelina Jolie and I am so happy you are my mother."

Inside card: "I mean, if you were even close to being that attractive, it would take away far too much attention from me."

4.

Front of card: "Know who's a better mom than you?"

Inside card: "Every mother within a 40-mile radius, including that weird lady down the street who encouraged her 5-year-old to watch 'Hostel: Part II.'"

3.

Front of card: "I love you, Mommy. Daddy helped me pick out a present. He said it was something you do not have."

Inside of card: "Hope you like pink eye." 

2.

Front of card: "Every day I know I am blessed to call you my mom..."

Inside of card: "...because you're so out to lunch you don't even realize how much vodka is missing from the liquor cabinet." 

1.

Front of card: "Remember the other day when you asked why I call you bad names like donkey butt and refuse to clean up my toys?"

Inside of card: "It's because you fed me formula."

Photo: Lifesizegreetings.com