The trial of the century -- okay, maybe the No. 2 Trial of the Century, just after R. Kelly -- is underway. It's Barbie v. Bratz in a civil suit 
destined to rock this nation to the very core of its being. As the court proceedings get underway, here is a brief primer on what's at stake in this battle of the less-than-progressive-toys for little girls.
The Barbie Side
Who is involved in the suit: Mattel Inc., the company behind one of the most enduring dolls in toy history.
Their argument: One of their designers, Carter Bryant, crafted the Bratz dolls while he was working at Mattel. Therefore, Mattel deserves a share of the profits from the Bratz franchise.
Their argument, in easier-to-digest form: "Those slutty dolls with the oversized heads and collagened lips were totally our idea!"
What's at stake: The reputation of the less slutty, though not necessarily liberated, Barbie, as well as potential revenue for Mattel, which has not been strong of late.
The Bratz Side
Who is involved in the suit: MGA Entertainment Inc., the company behind the lucrative Bratz franchise.
Their argument:
Bryant came up with the concept for Bratz while on hiatus from Mattel, and therefore Mattel is not entitled to any Bratz profits.
Their argument, in easier-to-digest form: "Those slutty dolls with the oversized heads and collagened lips were created by someone who used to work at Mattel, but didn't when he created these dolls. So suck it."
What's at stake: If they lose the lawsuit? Potentially precious profits from the multi-billion-dollar Bratz line.
Who Will Testify:
A number of Mattel designers and possibly Bryant himself, who apparently settled a separate set of claims this month for an undisclosed amount.
Who Would Testify if This Trial Took Place in My Barbie Dreamcourthouse:
Skipper (Don't think for a second that she doesn't know about some serious, lowdown s@!%.)
Jon Voight, who starred in the "Bratz" movie.
Da Brat. Granted, she has nothing to do with this. But maybe she could bust out a little "Fundafied."
Members of the group Aqua, who sang "Barbie Girl," a track that, on more than one occasion, made me question my reasons for continuing to exist on this planet.
Updates regarding the trial will be posted here at Strollerderby as warranted.
Photo: theage.com.au
