Strollerderby

For our family it's "Wow! You know, I had the same idea/bought the same thing/did it that way too, but the Pediatrician said..."  Whatever I say, if I claim that it comes from the pediatrician, it brings everything to a hault. This may not work for everyone, but for us it's golden.

I agree with MoB...it's much easier to foist off responsibility on our Ped.  it works.  also, since we don't live near my in laws or parents, we do a lot of "thanks and ignore"-- as in "thanks for the tip" and then basically do whatever we want.  when the toy crap starts to come around, it will be "thanks and donation pile"

With me "oh, I won't take that plant you just bought after I said no because it is toxic" worked. Along with "no, you cannot spread poison on my grass while my child is crawling". I just had to say no. They love my kids. They just aren't aware of the dangers. You forget very quickly just how fast a baby can be, and how they can get into everything. I've found not treating the Grands like they are ignorant helps a great deal. I explain a lot. After a year of me, they took a class when my SIL had a baby. I didn't have to explain as much afterwards.

We've tried everything from subtlety to telling them outright not to buy that dollar store junk, and nothing works. So they bring over junk, and we throw it in the trash as soon as they leave.

For the most part, I find that if I just let it go in one ear and out the other while smiling and nodding, everyone's happiest.  MIL can share whatever philosophies she has on child safety, development, etc, and I can keep doing things my way.  I also find that the less I say about how we're doing things, the less I have to hear about how she would do it differently.  

As for gifts, our son's first Christmas (9 m/o) was a nightmare, with a huge ride-on train made for a 3 y/o and "collectible" Christmas decorative items "that he'll love to put up in his own home when he's grown up".  NOT KIDDING.  We didn't say anything, but I have a feeling she knows it didn't go over well b/c she put money in his college fund for his bday.  I made sure to gush and gush over that.

My MIL won't listen. I've offered to go with her to pick things out. I end up with tons of fake flowers, vines, and plastic fruit that she seriously expects me to tack on my walls next to the angel plaques she buys for our atheist household. I've tried explaining it's not our thing, that we're not theming the nursery so please don't buy *11* Winnie the Pooh onesies or stuffed elephants with a jungle mobile for a jungle room, but it doesn't help. I've even brought it back to her house with a 'you're constantly begging us for money, why don't you return this stuff and pay your electricity bill?' discussion (worded more nicely, of course). She actually stole my spare key from my SIL, broke into my house, and changed the bedding in our bedroom to a pink floral pattern and tacked a cross up over our bed. Her answer when I confronted her? "I knew you would give it back if I didn't help you decorate. Besides, the blue and brown bedding you had was ugly. Did you know you don't have any bibles or crosses in your house?" Blech!

My mom lives 1100 miles away, so right now, we're okay. I'm exhausted dealing with my MIL, and I'm only pregnant! I'm terrified of dealing with this woman after our child's born. She hates reading, so my husband was reading at a fifth grade level when we met because she wouldn't let him have books. He owns lots of books now and reads fine now. She's already told us she's going to have to 'teach' our child how to watch TV, because we'll be busy 'making him boring' by reading to him.

coolteamblt, sounds rough...and slightly crazy! Breaking into your home and changing stuff around?? Maybe you should have your husband have a talk with her. I would NOT stand for that.

Coolteamblt - My head would explode.

This past Christmas, my husband and I made it clear to our family that if they wanted to buy a toy for our 7 month old son, to please make sure it was made in the US or Europe. My MIL goes and buys my son a DOG's CHEW TOY because, "He's at the age where he wants to chew on everything." Than she got offended when I gave the toy to my SIL's dog.

This is the same woman who repeatedly showed up at the hospital, when I was in labor, when we specifically requested no visitors until after the baby was born. When I had to have an emergency C-section (I was 42+ weeks pregnant and never went into labor), she told me it was my fault for not letting her into the room to pray over me!

coolteamblt and esther, I admit that you have it worse than me, but my mom is driving me up the wall! She's never respected my boundaries, and it's gotten worse with the baby, although when I do explode, she's now having to smooth things over, instead of me, to ensure that she has access to the Boy.

And the crap she doesn't remember (or ignores, or who knows what!) would blow your mind. Anyway, MIL is a little saner, at least.

Wow, you people have terrible in-laws. My MIL never offers a peep of advice, she's the sweetest woman on the planet, and my FIL is a little quirky but no trouble at all, really. And my own parents are terrific. Both the grammas (and all the aunts and uncles) do try to buy our daughter a lot of useless, crappy toys, but if they send them to us (we live far from everyone), we just donate them or throw them away, and the ones that they keep at their house - well, I just think it's nice that they were thoughtful enough to go buy some toys, even though they're from the dollar store. Let's face it, playing with a couple of plastic wagons for a week isn't going to make my kid lose too many IQ points. She doesn't gnaw on toys anymore, so it's not a big deal. Plus, my mom (and MIL) are pleased, the baby is estatic to have such unusual plastic treats to goof around with, and me - well, I'm relaxed and happy, too, to have doting grammas or other family members run after my baby while I sit on the patio and catch up with everyone.

Thank you guys! Yeah, I'm going a bit nuts. My husband and I have set down with both MIL and FIL and tried to explain that we appreciate them trying to give us things, but we aren't going to baptize this child, and this is my house, not hers. My husband has two sisters, and when I complained to them first, they shrugged it off. The entire rest of the family lets her get away with this crap. We have changed the locks on our house and given friends and the neighbor a key, and taken the key away from SIL.

Once this baby is born, the MIL will NOT be watching this child at her house. My husband works for a cable company, so we obviously don't have issues with television. We don't think it's appropriate to replace books with TV for children. I don't want my kids to have the anti-intellectual bias my husband was raised with, and that apparently makes me that bossy, snobby, awful DIL. At this point, I would be thrilled to have plastic toys around my house, as long as she doesn't redecorate for me.