In the early '80s, an epidemic swept through this nation, infecting millions. They called this affliction Pac-Man Fever. And it drove unsuspecting 
Americans out of their minds.
The wildly popular video game was inescapable shortly after it was released in 1980. It dominated arcades, then spawned various handheld, tabletop and cartridge versions. And there was all the other Pac-Man merchandise: T-shirts, a Saturday morning cartoon show, Buckner and Garcia's aforementioned hit song, "Pac-Man Fever," and even the breakfast cereal advertised in this stellar commercial:
While the mania subsisded, Pac-Man never went away. The game continues to get re-released and that little yellow chomper remains a recognizable icon. Which is why one movie studio probably thinks it's very smart to turn Pac-Man into a major motion picture.
And that might be the dumbest idea since that time when I briefly contemplated writing a novel based on the game Hungry, Hungry Hippos. Seriously, even if today's kids and hardcore gamers remain intrigued by Pac-Man and his old lady, Ms. Pac-Man, it's hard to imagine that they'd pay to see a movie about them. Even harder to imagine: What that movie would be about.
I mean, I saw the holiday special "Christmas Comes to Pac-Land." Trust me, there isn't much material to mine there.
As a game, Pac-Man remains a classic because of its simplicity: Everyone intuitively understands the concept of munching on dots and avoiding Inky, Blinky and Clyde. But trying to elevate the video game into something more than it is? That's a bad RetroFit.
RetroFitted appears every Thursday morning on Strollerderby.
