Strollerderby

I took my husband's last name when we got married because my last name was my dad's last name, and I have a horrible relationship with him.  I never changed my last name before that to my mom's last name (reclaimed her maiden name after the divorce) because I didn't want to offend my paternal grandparents, who are really great people.  I looked at getting married as a good way of ditching a name that had a lot of baggage tied to it.  And I always wanted to have the same last name as my kid.  

I wanted to share a name with my future children.  Had I not wanted children I might have considered keeping my original (birth) name, but not having children has never been a possibility for me so that was that.  And I didn't feel strongly about persuading fiance to change his birth name to my birth name, though I know that is done and resolves the "family name" issue just as well as the more typical/old fashioned way of taking man's name.

I didn't have any special attachment to my original name.  I got married at age 25, wasn't established in a career which would cause professional confusion if I changed my name, and looked forward to being able to 'start over' with a new name and a new identity.  Having my married name makes it a lot harder for people from my past to track me down, and considering some of my past people, that's a very good thing.

I also felt that it was important to have the same last name as my children.  

Plus, my married signature is a lot nicer looking than my single signature ever was - I cross the t with the tail of the n.  Very fancy.  

I didn't want to change my name, but my husband really wanted me to.  It meant more to him than to me, so he won.

My maiden name is one of the most common in the U.S., so there  was really nothing special about keeping it. I ended up ditching my middle name (Ann) and making my maiden name my middle name. My aunt and stepmother both did the same thing.

After my folks divorced, my mom changed her last name to her grandmother's maiden name, and because she was fairly young and our names didn't match, she was constantly mistaken for our babysitter.

I took my husband's last name so that we could both share a last name with our kids, but I kept my name as a middle name and we used it as my son's first name, so I feel like it has been preserved.

When I was a young women's libber, I never thought I would change my name. But when I married at 30, it suddenly seemed important to me for my husband and I (and any future childern) to be unified under a family name, like the family I grew up in.

My husband's mother did not share his last name from the time she married her second husband years ago. To him, it wasn't a big deal. He actually wanted me to keep my "maiden" name. Not many couples we know had the discussion in this direction!

Now that I have a child of my own, I'm glad we all share one name. The trade-off? My maiden name was very unique. I wish I had thought of keeping it as my middle name.

Like most above, I changed my maiden name to my husbands because I wanted my children to have the same name as me - I wanted to avoid any confusion about who their mom was if I could - I'm the mom! And while I agree it's somewhat patriarchical, et c. - that's how our society works, and people still give a lot of credence to moms with the same last name.

My husband also wanted me to keep my maiden name, originally - and I think my mother in law was insulted because she didn't keep hers. But now he's glad I changed it.  

I kept my maiden name when we married.  I just didn't see any reason to change it.  And we have had no problems now that we have a child, who shares my husband's last name.

I actually know one family in which both parents kept their last names, and one child has the mom's surname, and the other child has the dad's surname.

Originally, I had planned on keeping my maiden name and my husband was fine with it.

But when we moved, the majority of the networking contacts I made in the new city were through my husband.  People seemed to find it too difficult to remember his name and then associate my maiden name with him.  Additionally, once I got pregnant, record keeping through insurance and doctors offices was too difficult with 2 names, so I finally took his name.

My step-dad’s last name was my maiden name, and it was something I wanted to keep.  So, I chose the same route as several of the ladies above and use it as my middle name.

I didn't want to change my name. My husband really wanted me to, but I resisted for 3 years. I eventually changed it when I was 7 months pregnant with the twins. I wanted us to all have the same last name as a family, I guess. The kids and I have my original last name as a middle name.

I got married before any of my (young, feminist) friends and I'm the ONLY one who didn't take my husband's name. Granted we gave the baby my husband's name, but it's a secret source of frustration for me that none of the women I know kept their names.

I kept my name. I was 30 when I married, so I'd gotten attached to it. Also, his mother and I have the same first name, so I had no interest in having his mother's first and last name--creepy! So we hyphenated. Occasionally, I wish my daughter had a simpler last name, but husband never does, so I guess it all works. Of my friends, I am one of the few to keep my name. Of my sisters (there are four of us), we're batting .500.

I'm choosing to change my name. I'm getting married at the end of July, and I am going to be a Huff. I hate the name, but I feel very strongly that a family should have the same last name. I plan on making my maiden name my second middle name, so I still have my family name. My first son will have my fiance's middle name as his middle name, but if I have a second son, his middle name will be my maiden name.

I kept my last name, but when my son was born, we gave him my husband's last name...and mine as a second middle name.  Wasn't a problem with the birth certificate people at all!

My parents didn't have middle names, so they chose not to give me (or my twin sister) a middle name.  When I got married in my 30s, I realized that all that I have accomplished was in my maiden name. My husband really wanted me to take his name.  So, I compromised--I took my maiden name as my middle name, and my husband's last name.  I did not hyphenate; but now I use my full name on everything.

I took my husband's last name, mainly because I wanted to have the same name as my children.  It is very interesting that all of the women who commented above that they did not change their names now have a different last name than the rest of their families.  It's husband and children, one name; wife, another.  That does not strike me as particularly feminist.  I would be more interested in the entire family unit changing names to something new.

We considered changing to a new name altogether but my family is very interested in geneology and that would throw a huge wrench in the works for future generations.

I guess we did something pretty rare.  I kept my last name, never even considered changing it.  And when our daughter was born she got my last name and her father's last name as her second middle name.  I don't see why Daddy's should get all the naming rights so for our family he is the odd one out.  If we have more kids I assume we'll do the same, maybe then he'll have to change his name to fit in.  

I love my family, but I was never really attached to my last name, so I always figures I'd change it- unless my husband had a last name like Wonderhamster or something like that (no offense meant, Wonderhamsters). If I'd had an established career under my maiden name, I might have kept it for professional purposes, but it probably would've been changed officially.

@ Chiken: Sorry if I was unclear. Only my daughter is hyphenated. I kept my name, husband kept his, daughter got both. I don't know whether that's "particularly feminist", but it felt right to us. She is both of us and her own person, so she has a name that's all hers but contains ours.

Susannah, that sounds like the perfect solution! I think I was (and still am) too hung up on the idea of the whole family having the same last name. My kids have both last names, just no hyphen (which means my last name is their middle name). I just sort of wish that I still had my own last name. I guess I'm conflicted b/c of that part of me that wants us all to have one family name.

Susannah, that sounds like the perfect solution! I think I was (and still am) too hung up on the idea of the whole family having the same last name. My kids have both last names, just no hyphen (which means my last name is their middle name). I just sort of wish that I still had my own last name. I guess I'm conflicted b/c of that part of me that wants us all to have one family name.

I changed my last name to my husband's when we married.  It was important to both of us that we share a surname as a family unit with our eventual children.  While I consider myself a feminist, I don't really see how keeping your "maiden" name equates to feminism.  It's still a patriarchal system and you still have a man's last name, whether it's your husband's or your father's.  Also, hyphenating the children's names works for one generation, but then what happens when Mary Smith-Jones grows up and marries John Murray-Clark?  Kids named Smith-Jones-Murray-Clark?  Yes, the system that we use is patriarchal (although some cultures do use a matriarchal naming system), but we had to use one or the other and it wasn't going to be "fair" to the other gender.  The reality is, it's just a name and a name is never going to sum up the complexity of the person it refers to.        

WOW.  So many people above said that they changed their names because they "wanted to share a name with their children" ... didn't it occur to anyone that the kids could have the MOM'S name or a hyphenated name?  There are so many ways to share a name with your kids without all of them taking the husband/dad's name.

Rock on, Miss Chris.  I see that you've not only thought about, but embraced a very unconventional option.

Thanks for the post!  I'm about to have my first baby (due today, actually) and have been debating what to do about the last name.  I kept my original name when I married, so my husband has a different surname.  We'll probably hyphenate with both, or use mine as a second middle name with my husband's as the last name.  I'd especially like to keep my name in there somewhere because the baby might also share a first name with his dad.  My husband's the main "decider" about the first name, working with a couple of options we arrived at together, and I'm focusing now on the surname.  It's hard to decide!

Hey Miss Chris, me too!

People are shocked that our new daughter has my last name and my husband's name as her middle name. No hyphenation. Our particular reasoning related to raising our child in my family's Jewish tradition as opposed to my husband's family's Catholic tradition. But it's possible that I would have found some other reason if that one hadn't surfaced....

Why is it that people insist on the husband's last name always going to the kids? And I also know very few women who kept their last name when they married. It honestly NEVER occurred to me to change my name. It's the one I'm used too.

It's nice to know I'm not actually the only one who passed her name on to her kids...

It also never occurred to me to change my name, my husband asked once and when I said "no thank you" we never discussed it again.

I also thought about how it wasn't exactly undoing the patriarchy to cling to my father's name over my husband's but the fact is we have to start somewhere.  I could go back to my mother's maiden name, but that would just be her father's name -  so the mother naming starts with me and it would be awesome if someday my great great granddaughters could look back and say that their names genuinely came to them from their mothers and their mother's mothers and all the way up to me.

Out of all of the posts above, I see none who did what my husband and I ended up doing, so I'm going to post our story. It was very important for me to keep my name in some way, important to both of us that we all  have one name as a family, and neither of us liked the idea of hyphens. We thought about my husband changing to my maiden name, but it was important for him to have his name, too. After MUCH consideration, we were able to combine our names to make a new, unique name. His name was Timberman and my last name was Moon. Now we both (and our son) have the last name of TimberMoon. We get a lot of compliments on our name (a lot of people ask if it is Native American). I realize most names would not sound good combined, but it worked well for us (it was an expensive hassle for us to both legally change our names, though--it's not free like it would be if we had hyphenated or one of us had taken the other's name).

I kept my name, it was never a discussion item.  

Pregnancy made me crazy, insecure & hormonal so I caved at about 7 months to agree to give the kid my husband's last name.  Then we did the same 2 years later with the next one.  I would have picked a 3rd name for us all but my husband wasn't interested in doing that.  My kids have 2 middle names, my last name being the 2nd one.  I try to use their full names a lot (not just when they are in trouble) b/c I wish I had been in a different place when pregnant and more able to discuss/debate/advocate for my position.  However, short of hypehating (which is not a choice that worked for us), there aren't any other compromises that I'm aware of.

I didn't change mine (more out of laziness and being in grad school than my attachment to my name).  Plus, it just seems weird to change my name.

My daughter has my husband's last name, though (although her middle name is my last name which really happened because on the way to the hospital to deliver we still hadn't decided on a first name for her so the middle name wasn't even in consideration at that point).  

Sometimes I toy with the idea of changing mine so we all have the same last name but anything that requires my 1. finding my marriage certificate and 2. going to the social security office probably ain't going to happen in this lifetime :)

"I changed my name because I wanted my children to have the same last name as me."  "I changed my name because I wanted my childen to have the same last name as me."  Over and over.

How about your husband changing his name to yours?  Then you'd both still have the same last name as your children.

Didn't ocurr to you?  That's why the name thing change is still sexist.  And it will be till half the couples take the wife's last name.

My DH did not care at all about the whole name issue!

I kept my name, then decided to add a hyphen to out last names after our daughtger was born.

I'm legally a hyphenated name,no one else is, but I choose to now be known socially and professionally with my husbands name (no Hyphen).

I have a Jewish old testament first name, and he has an Irish last name.

So my name is similar to having a name like Yental O'Brien