Strollerderby

I dont know.  If the couple spends thousands of dollars to put on a grand party with good food and drink for me the least I can do is honor their wishes not to bring my 4 crazy kids with me if they ask me not to bring them.    Weddings can be anything you want them to be.  Family centered, high brow, hippy.  It is their wedding and they invite whom ever they wish.  I have never been insulted by a party invitation that only invited me and my husband because it was an adult party.  

I think the reason "no children allowed" used to be verboten on a wedding invitation wasn't so much that children were obligatorily allowed, it was because people used to be smart enough to realize that only the people whose names were on the invitation were actually invited.

We had kids at our wedding and it was great, but I don't begrudge people's right to decide who they do and do not want to invite to the biggest party they're ever going to throw.  

I admit to doing this, not because I didn't like kids, but because I was worried about numbers.  I actually regret it now, but weddings make you crazy.

Some places charge the same amount for children that they do for adults.  Drinking is involved, or at least it is at most receptions I've attended.  And then there are parents who will watch their kids and those who don't.  Those who don't ruin it for those who do.  I had kids at my wedding (one of them was mine) but I can understand why some people don't.  It depends on the kids, the budget of the bride and groom, and the type of affair.  

My best friend had a great wedding, very grand.  She had a choice of entrees (one was more kid friendly) and offered babysitting at the hotel for parents who wanted to dance and have an evening without kids.  She even provided diapers and wipes.  But she makes about 5 x what my husband makes in a year.  

It was a great wedding though.

Like Sheri said, some placed charge the same, regardless the age.  I wouldn't want to pay $30 for a child to come to my reception to stick their nose up in the air at the dinner options.

I've been to quite a few weddings where children were unruly at either the ceremony or the reception, and one where THE BRIDES MOTHER removed a little person (close family member's child) from the ceremony and missed her own daughters wedding because the parent wasn't doing anything about the screaming 5 or 6 month old.

I've been to many many where there was a strict no child rule.

Honestly, the best weddings I've been to (2 now) have provided child care and stated so on the invitation.  The bride and groom hired in help (I know one wedding had people who worked in the church daycare) and catered in kid food.  Kids were in daycare for the ceremony, ate dinner in the daycare and joined for dancing (to be returned if they were out of control).

I'm getting married in two weeks, and I'm only having my neice and nephew there. I know for a fact a couple that is on the invite list would bring their two year old even if we put "Mr. Smith and wife" on the invite. Frankly, I hate that kid. He has this charming habit of spitting on people, and his parents laugh it off. I don't feel comfortable enough with them to exclude their child, then include other small children of people I don't know. My mother thinks I'm being unreasonable, but I just don't want to deal with the drama of small children at a small, more intimate wedding.

Now, I've been to weddings with small children there, and some of them have been great. It's just the personal choice of the couple. I think on a bigger budget with a lot of children coming, it can be a fun experience for the whole family.

neither brilliant nor bonkers. Their party. They make the guest list. If it is too inconvenient for you, decline.

On the other hand, I was definitely non-plussed that my breastfed son was not invited to my cousin's destination wedding, where there was no babysitting available (B&Bs only). Some people paid to bring their own babysitter!

coolteamblt,

If you don't feel comfortable with these people, why are they invited to your "small, intimate wedding"? Whoever put them on the list (groom, MIL ...) should troubleshoot any hard feelings.

Frankly, I don't care about other people's kids at a wedding, but I don't want to drag my kids along as I will not have a minute of fun having to deal with them.  However, this past spring I was extremely angry when my own MIL informed me that my youngest was not allowed to come to my BIL's wedding.  My older one HAD to come, but the little one was banned. Many people were upset and shocked that I didn't bring him as they wanted to see him so I told them the truth - MIL had banned him for no reason other than she doesn't like him very much and sent them over to talk to her if they wanted to discuss it further.  

I agree with some other posters.  No one used to write that kids weren't allowed because it was understood only those names written on the invitation were invited.  

For the most part, I agree it's their party, their rules.  However, I think out-of-town guests merit special considerations, though in my experience at least, they don't always get them.  

If I'm traveling far for a wedding and my child is not invited, what are my options?  I can't afford to leave my child with a sitter for 3 days, nor would I want to.  And it's a pretty safe bet I won't know any sitters at the wedding site, or have any reasonable way to arrange for someone I would trust with my child.  

In-hotel child care would be fantastic, but even a list of reputable local sitters to contact in advance would help.  It's easy to just decide you don't want kids at your wedding, but you've got to consider the implications for your guests, too.

I have no beef with a child-free wedding, but I'm not crazy about the trend of inviting some children and not others. We went to a wedding where we weren't allowed to bring our baby, but then arrived to see about 5 other babies there. So now our philosophy is do what you want, plan "your day" however you want, but don't expect us to attend. Or send a gift. Brides are out of control these days and I'm over it.

Well ... we had a child-free wedding.  No exceptions, so it was fair (or unfair, if you think) to all.  Our wedding did not have a dance floor and was more of a dinner party (50 people).  There was barely any room for people to walk between tables, and the floor was brick.  Not a very child-friendly location.  We only had one family member upset, and they chose not to come.  I've personally been invited to both.  But I would NEVER put "no children" on an invitation.  Perhaps the above commenter has the right idea - people used to understand that if a name wasn't listed, the person wasnt invited.  Maybe that's why the invitations say "no children" now?

Given the atmosphere and the late hour, we decided we'd prefer for folks not to have small ones running around - but we rented out a hotel room with two sitters to care for any kids whose parents were there, in town or out.  We talked to everyone with kids personally, so they'd understand it wasn't that we didn't love their kids, but didn't put anything on the invite - it seemed friendlier that way. And no one seemed put out by it!  We just didn't think that kids would want a dinner at 9 followed by long hours of dancing - but we felt it was our responsibility, if we could afford to swing it, to give them another option.

Our wedding was child-free almost by default. Among a guest list of about 75, there were only 3 children in question, all small babies and none of them family. Two friends hired a sitter without even asking, relishing the opportunity for adult time.

The third wanted to bring their 3-year-old, and we discouraged it becasue there was an open swimming pool at our location (which happened to be my parents' home, creating liability issues). We didn't want her to go wandering off alone towards the water while her parents threw back champagne - and the were definitely the "let your kid run loose" type - and have a dangerous situation on our hands.

I really think it's up to the hosts. If they're trying to create a certain atmosphere, or if people don't know how to control their kids... I agree that the focus on wedding "perfection" is over the top, but too many kids don't know how to behave in formal situations.

leahsmom, I want to send you flowers and a big box of chocolates, and I wasn't even at your wedding.  I think you handled it admirably, I wish everyone was so considerate!

My wedding was pretty casual, so I invited everybody's kids.  And you know what?  Everybody was pretty sensible about it.  Some people said, "Wow, it was nice of you to invite the kids, but there's no way we're bringing them.  We wouldn't have any fun!"  Others opted to bring young children and, in fact, did NOT appear to not be having fun, but that was their decision.   So I say, leave it up to the individual parents unless there is some liability or cost issue.  

I think one of the problems is that most of the time people hosting these kinds of lavish weddings don't yet have kids, so they always come across as kid haters.  Contrast this with a friend who, say, had two young kids but just decided to host a kid-free birthday party so all the adults would get a break.  Then you would view that person as just another overwhelmed parent who needed a night off from the kids.  

I'm still annoyed w/ a couple who had a daytime beach (= travel for everyone) wedding w/ reception at an aquarium and didn't allow kids.  And made no efforts as described by many considerate people above to either provide or help people find babysitters.  Fancy late-night parties with linens and crystal are one thing, in my opinion this was a bridezilla.  

sometimes children are not allowed in the venue when alcohol is being served. A friend of mine was forced to exclude all children from her wedding because the venue had an alcohol=no kids rule.

shaLO, don't get too mad at your friends.  In my experience a lot of people just bring their kids even when they aren't invited.  You may have been one of the few who just were considerate enough to respect the couple's wishes.