Two new studies show that children who were conceived via donor gametes or surrogacy ought to be told of their origins as soon as possible. But those kids are doing just as well and are just as close with their parents as those whose kids were conceived "naturally" according to the Centre for Family Research at Cambridge University.
One study showed that children who were told of their origin early on handled the news much better than those who were not told until they were over 18.
More than two-thirds of those told when they were older than 18 reported feeling confused, anger at being lied to, shock and numbness, while only a third of those told when they were aged four to 11 felt the same.
Same-sex parents and single parents were much more likely to have told their children early, while fully a third of heterosexual parents waited until after the child turned 18. And kids generally wanted to meet their biological parent after they found out, researchers said.
The other study, which followed a fairly small number of such families until their children were seven, showed that children conceived with donor sperm or eggs or through surrogacy experienced about the same amount of difficulties with relationships, conduct problems and so on as children conceived without help. They were also just as close to their parents, based on their own evaluations of their families.
There was a slight increase in the mother's emotional involvement with the child, especially in donor egg or surrogacy situations versus door sperm. Researchers chalked that up to the difficult the mothers went through in conceiving their children. This makes sense to me – if you've gone through hell to get your kid, you're going to have harder time backing off. But researchers didn’t express concern about this either, because the levels of emotional involvement didn’t set off alarms.
The upshot: Assisted conception good, secrecy bad.
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