Strollerderby

I'm curious -- is your daughter's twin identical? Usually, one's basic temperament is inherited  -- especially a trait like irritability. If one identical twin is easily irritated, the other one is as well. Also, does she throw tantrums at school and with others or only at home? That seems to make a big difference for some kids.

this still sounds like me sometimes as an adult.  I was most likely this way as a kid.  I will just say Middle and High School were difficult, but times improved once I went to college.  I am afraid my sweet girl may have inherited these things from me -- she is only 11 months, but I can see some real fire in her.

Your post scares the crap out of me.

You have described my 3.5 year old daughter exactly and I was hoping she would grow out of it.  She came into this world the loudest baby in the hospital and I haven't yet met a child who could best her in a screaming contest.  Her tantrums cause the earth to quake around her.  I can make a check mark by each of your 10 items.  Number 10 makes it all worth it, though.  Her poor older brother... he is not at all like her and he often has to wait for things while we deal with one of his sister's storms.

Is there an epidemic of out-of-control toddlers and children? It seems to me that bad behavior is escalating irrationally in large part because of exceptionally permissive parenting. Firmer disciplinary norms and boundaries will go a LONG way. Parents of poorly-behaved, out-of-control children do all of us a disservice when they tacitly allow/condone this horrible, horrible behavior, especially in public places.

Amy, there are certainly plenty of children whose poor behavior results from permissive parenting. I don't think that's what this post is about. Every child has a different temperament. How else do you explain one explosive twin when both twins share the same parents? I don't think the parents that are discussing this here are suggesting that their temperamental children should be allowed to do whatever they want. They are just discussing the challenge that exists in that situation.

This behavior is not just for the fairer sex: my youngest boy- my sweet little guy doesn't necessarily bring the house down with screaming tantrums but I've never seen a more sensitive kid! His feelings are easily hurt and he's easy to cry- since he was a newborn. Now at 3, is it wrong we're trying to get him to grow a thicker skin like his 4 year old brother? He's incredibly empathetic and loving and I wouldn't change those traits for the world.

Those are also signs of Giftedness. Check this out

www.amazon.com/.../0910707642

www.sengifted.org/.../Webb_MisdiagnosisAndDualDiagnosisOfGiftedChildren.shtml

If you have her IQ tested it is probably well over 140.  Most gifted children have an intensity about them and the world.  They ahve bigger imaginations,so they worry at night, the are sensitive to light, loud noise, emotional situations, very creative, etc.  MOst of all they need lots of patience and direction to help them learn to manage their frustrations.  Worth a read that book.  It will help her behavior make a lot of sense to you.  I live Brezelton but for a gifted child putting them in their room to rage makes them worse and morelikely to feel isolated, odd, and depressed, esepcially later in their childhood.  Read the book before she is 13, wearing all black, smoking dope and it is too later to help develop and nuture her wonderful gifts.

I was scared when I read the list.  But became terrified when I read Cassie's comment.  Putting my 4.5 year old in her room until she "calms" down is a sure fire way to just escalate the tantrum.  I rarely do it because of this.  I did it today and it was horrible.  Now I'm having serious mommy guilt.  Must get my hands on that book. . . off to request it from the library.

My almost 5-year-old daughter is also very high-strung.  For what it's worth, my husband and I are stricter than just about any other parents we know.  (Without those boundaries, I think she'd really spin out of control.)  We try to use positive reinforcement, but on some days, sadly, there's little about her behavior to compliment.  We also give time-outs and take away television privileges.  Just this afternoon, at her swimming lesson, she hurt another little girl when she failed to wait her turn when it was time to jump into the pool.  She jumped in at the same time as the other girl and wound up hurting her (thankfully, not at all seriously).  I insisted that she apologize to the other girl and I immediately ended her pool time and took her home.  I also gave her a time out, took away television for 2 days and had her draw a picture of how she would feel if someone did that to her.  What gets me through is the knowledge that her intense personality does have a positive side.  She's very bright, creative, cheerful (except when throwing a tantrum of epic proportions, as previously described), independent, persistent and driven.  The girl knows what she wants and stops at nothing to get it.  That will serve her well in life--it's just not always so attractive in a 4-year-old.  One book that has really helped us is "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  Perhaps some of the other posters might find it helpful.    

My son was exactly the same way! Still is to a minimal degree. He's 11. We found out these tantrums were actually due to his diagnoses of Sensory Integration disorder and Asperger's.

Well said Manjari. The last thing any parent needs is more guilt lumped on them. Parenting is hard enough without listening to that sort of diatribe.

And Nicole, I have the answer! I too have a 3 year old son who is incredibly sensitive. He cries easily, doesn't join in, is slow to warm up to others and many other odd things. He is also sensitive to noise and scratchy clothes. I found a site about the "highly sensitive person". www.hsperson.com I bought the book on Amazon and did the test online and it fits my son. I am only half way through but it is already making life easier having a reference point. Hope this helps

Those are also signs of a sensory disorder.  My son is 4.5 almost 5. He does most all of those things since he was very very young. But he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, as well as Central Auditory Processing Disorder.  The two disorders combined make for a hard to handle child that has many many many "storms". My son is a very bright child, once he gets past the verbal directions he just takes right off.  Its just getting past that point for him, but that is due to his CAPD.  The sensory issues he tends to have problems with the most are not getting his way and Immediately starting to Scream and Cry.. this will continue for many hours or till he gets his way or falls asleep.  On a rare occasion he will just snap out of it and in a sweet bubbly little boy voice i hear " I wanna do this mommy " which is usually totally off subject of why he was crying in the first place.

www.sensory-processing-disorder.com

Is a great website with information about sensory issues in children. It even has a section on Adults with Sensory Issues.  Maybe it will help you to find ways to work with your child, and have an easier functioning household.

Yes!  She is now 25,married for 3 years, a teacher with her Master's degree and wonderful mother to my first grandson.  Hang tight and be consistent.  

Enjoy your children, they grow up fast.  Recognize and cherish their individual nature.

My brother is one of those spritited children. Along with several other diagnosises, he has been diagnosed with sensory integration disorder and asperger's. It wouldn't hurt, at all, to explore the posibility of that being your daughter's issue (esp if she is sensitive to bright lights, loud sounds, and temperature changes - those are symptoms of sensory integration disorder - SI). I, myself, have a 4 year old son very much like your daughter. It takes some strict parenting, and several required alone times, just to keep him in control sometimes. Like your daughter, he is also very sensitive and very sweet (on the other hand with tantrums that tend to be loud and overwhelming). He has pretty much been this way since day 1. I'm exhausted by this. No so reasurringly, I've heard from my mom that I was a little "spirited" too. (I'm not sure that helps me at all, but it's informative to know.)

I have a son who is like that.  Is this something that can be taught or it just happens.  I myself have anger issues and go through everything these children do.  My parents were good parents but if I didn't get my way and to this day I'm pretty much the same, I'ld go off..

issolation of a child during tantrum time might very well appear to a parent's need to preserve his/her own sanity however if your child is gifted or merely exceptionally intelligent such tactics may only escalate a 'situation'or prove to be intirely ineffective as my own daughter would simply bear feelings of intense resentment and emmerse herself in personal projects or reading within her room antway. I have found my own daughter (3 years of age) to recouparate much better from a tantrum when I, or my husband, remove her from whatever environment the incident has occured in and explain to her calmly why her behavior is innaproriate and guilt-trip in a very sensitive way so that she understands what she has done is wrong. Depending on the situation we usually discuss her punishment with her. i have found this to be far more effective. Another suggestion is to takl to your child and find the root of his/her tantrum and work it out so that you know better how to help her.

I actually have 2 children that fit this description to a tee. One of my children has been diagnosed with ADHD, but the doctors are afraid that my youngest son is bipolar. His moods can switch in seconds; he goes from such a happy loving boy to something that can't be controlled. After this fits he is always sorry and goes right back to being that loving little boy. My daughter is extremely outgoing and funny, but she crys and throws fits at the drop of a hat. The boys are constantly picking on her due to her reaction, she will cry and scream at the slightest little things they do.

poopie heads

Yes, i also have a 10 yr old daughter that is goood one minute and the next minute she starts talking back to me other family members she usually starts fights with her small sister. And this goes on everyday sometimes i just can;t take it and start to cry cause i'm so frustrated and annoyed. Also she fights alot with her dad and not alot with me. At first i thought it was ADHD i took her to the doctor and they said she didn't have it because she only behaves like this at home , with family members and sometimes in public places.I'm just so glad she doesn't behave like this in school. In fact in school she behaves so well that the teachers always compliment that she's always quiet and behaves good. I just wish she behaved like that at home. I had a question is there any medication for this disorder.i have no idea.

i believe i have a child like that she crys when she dosen't get her way slam doors points her finger at me when something upsets her dropps on the floor throws things what should i do she will be two in august this year