I have a question for the marketing team at JCPenney: Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe? Or, to put it another way, do you know how offensive it is that you are completely ripping off "The Breakfast Club" in your latest back-to-school ad campaign? 
I'm all for younger generations appreciating the masterful work of Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez and co. Truly. Everyone should be exposed to Anthony Michael Hall's "Chicks can not hold they smoke" speech, or the elegant way Ally Sheedy flings a piece of bologna in the air. But there's a difference between that and outright co-opting the quintessential Gen X movie so you can sell some crappy American Living sweatshirts. The fact that one of the undernourished teen girls in this commercial is wearing a Nirvana T-shirt just adds further insult to injury. (See video of the debacle at the bottom of this post.)
For those of us who came of age in the mid-'80s, when "TBC" made its debut, this movie wasn't merely well-regarded or popular. It was important. It gave voice to our adolescent insecurities. It reflected the way we spoke. It acknowledged that Simple Minds was freaking awesome. And when Judd Nelson pumped his fist in that final freeze frame, it felt like a vaguely subversive triumph over The Man. You know, as much as one can triumph over The Man in a movie distributed by Universal Studios, which, as we all know, is closely affiliated with The Man.
Some things are sacred and should not be borrowed for the sake of advertising, especially for a second-rate department store. "The Breakfast Club" is one of those things.
For committing this offense, I hereby give JCPenney a full Saturday of detention. You must write an essay, of no less than a thousand words, describing to me who you think you are. And when I say essay, I mean essay. I don't mean a thousand words repeated.
Hopefully you'll learn a little something about yourself. But more than anything, I hope you learn that it is completely uncool to mess with the John Hughes canon. Your commercial claims that "every day matters." Well, this movie matters even more.
Sincerely yours,
Jen Chaney, the Breakfast Club and that dude who played Carl the janitor
