How would you feel if, out of the blue, you learned that
those triplets you grew up playing with were technically
your half-siblings?
This was the subject of a recent question posed to Slate’s
Dear Prudence column. The writer, a college student, recently learned that
his mother had her eggs harvested and donated to an infertile couple who are
close friends of the writer’s family. This knowledge turned his world
upside down. He feels hatred toward the triplets who were conceived with his
mother’s egg, and is worried that his mother loves them more than she loves
him. The writer seems surprised—as I was—by his intense feelings of jealousy
and bitterness. He has tried to focus on his mother’s generosity, but he keeps
focusing instead on the fact that he has three half-siblings he really doesn’t
want.
Good ole Prudie points out that, while his mother simply
donated a “microscopic bit of herself,” the mother to whom she gave her eggs
carried triplets for nine months, gave birth to them, and raised them. In other
words, being an egg donor is not even close to being a parent. While the writer’s
mother helped these triplets come into the world, she is not their mother.
Would others feel similarly devastated if they discovered
one of their parents had helped an infertile couple conceive? Would you be less
likely to donate your eggs or sperm if you already had kids of your own?
Photo: worldrumour.blogspot.com
