Strollerderby

Who needs a uterus? Or a partner?

Posted by Miriam Axel-Lute

Perhaps this will finally kill the use of the miserable phrase "female-headed household" to mean "single parent."

Reporting on a trend that says more to me about changing gender roles than anything Sarah Palin has done, the New York Times reports that like single women who feel their biological clocks ticking have done for decades, more and more single men—gay and straight—are choosing single fatherhood, through adoption or surrogacy.

The Times reports that they face discrimination in their quest: They tend to be on the bottom of the preference list for birth parents, egg donors, or surrogates (I wonder how single straight men compare to queer couples in those cases. My guess is it depends where you are). And apparently some face women trying to "help" or "correct" their parenting in public too. (This reminds me of my favorite GabbyBaby shirt: "Please don't ask my daddy if he's 'babysitting.' Thanks. xoxo")

I for one suspect that many single men do start off a little behind in the knowing what the hell to do with a baby department, just because of what we as a culture see fit to expect men and women to know, but this doesn't bother me. They'll catch up just fine, just like the rest of us catch up with all the things we didn't learn from growing up in massive extended families caring for tons of younger siblings and cousins.

What I want to know, though, is how many of these single fathers are going to try to breastfeed.

 Photo by divine in the daily.


+ DIGG + STUMBLE

Comments

 

Larissa said:

I dunno, I think familiarity with babies is a case by case thing - before I was a mother I hadn't held or hung out with a baby since babysitting as a young teenager.  My husband had nieces at least, and had changed diapers and played with them.  In our case, mine was a very small family and his is slightly larger enough to accomodate some uncle-action.

September 7, 2008 10:22 PM
 

feefifoto said:

As a single mother by choice to two kids, I empathize with men who desire kids of their own.  If I'm out with my kids in the middle of the day nobody will question me, but a dad on his own at a supermarket or children's clothing store will be more likely to encounter wondering looks and suspicions.  I had no difficulty finding playdates or play groups for my kids when they were babies; once the other moms got used to my story we stopped talking about it.  My kids are in middle school and elementary school so by now their friends' and friends' families are accustomed to our unconventional family situation.  I suspect that single fathers by choice won't have it as easy as I did.  Hope I'm wrong, because being a parent is the greatest joy and privilege of my life and I'd hate to think that anyone who really wanted children would be condemned just for being single.

September 8, 2008 5:04 PM

About Miriam Axel-Lute

Miriam Axel-Lute is a freelance writer, editor, poet, and urban planning junkie. She lives, works, and gardens in Albany, NY, with her two partners and daughter.

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