Today's Morning News is all about sex, drugs, short pipelines and big shortfalls. We've also got celebrity mom break-ups and sudden, sorrowful, long-distance political partnerships, meaning puh-lenty of Sarah Palin.
We'll also update you on the Austrian dungeon dad/grandfather, release you in a tank of PTA pirhanas and give you another reason to not take up golf.
Where to start? You shouldn't have to wait. Let's get right to our Daily Palin: Now that we're all up to speed on the false Bridge to Nowhere claims, the NY Times takes a closer look at another of her projects, the much-ballyhooed oil Palin Pipeline. She mentioned it in her RNC speech. We all felt good about gassing up the Chevy Tahoe again. But wait! That pipeline exists only on paper, is years away from being a reality if ... IF ... Alaska and investors move ahead with it.
Not to worry, Palin has loads of fuel in her tank of busy. Namely, saving John McCain's campaign. He fizzled in his first post-convention appearance without her. She's back in Alaska (1) getting ready for her first big unscripted TV interview tonight and (2) possibly to chew out her former ethics adviser who is singing like a choir boy on the whole Troopergate thing. He told her to say "sorry." Instead of listening ... she's putting him on eBay.
We're not sure whether John McCain's just going to sit on the Straight Talk bus and await Palin's return or go solo some more. In any case, Palin WILL return and the two will never part again. Aides say the
two will campaign together ... a lot. (Carrying on the GOP tradition of co-presidencies?)
But seriously, who would want to be president with this crap to deal with? Or maybe Ike to clean up after?
More sex! We promised more sex! Nice and oily, just like you like it! The Interior Department has been caught in a "culture of ethical failure," meaning they were having some really great parties funded by Big Oil, which ultimately means they were funded by your neighbor who drives a Nissan Armada. All of it on the Bush administration's watch. Much of it involving cocaine and sexy good times. Niiiice.
Wait, Sarah's not the only mom -- or the only Sarah -- out there. Singer Sarah McLachlan, who is splitting from her husband of 11 years, sings candidly about their break- up in two new songs which are on a new album, "Closer."
Oh, get the Bactine shower started. The cellar incest mom in Austria has started talking about the ordeal. Ick. New topic.
Has this year's class mom already got you feeling like an incompetent underperformer? Read this rant and, while it won't make you competent, you'll no longer feel so alone.
Finally, we're not saying it's an epidemic, but golf-related eye injuries in kids are serious, serious stuff. Know where kids and their eyeballs are safest from such devastation? The golf course. Weird.
Know where you're safest from golf-related eye injuries? In front of the TV, where we know you and millions of Americans -- some swooning, some fuming -- will be watching Charlie Gibson interview Palin on World News. Tomorrow (Friday), he'll have more with her on 20/20. Think he'll ask these 10 questions from Midwesterners themselves? Couldn't hurt.
Photo: boingboing.net
