After a short bout of depression, the U.S. stock market is back in a manic phase. Your personal finances, however, are still ho-hum at best. Today's Morning News takes a look at what happened on Wall Street, what's happening to Wall Street via D.C., whose next in line for a bailout and what the candidates say about it.
We've also got a Daily Palin update on her email troubles, an apology to Barack Obama, her husband's refusal to tesitfy and an Alaskan's defense of his people.
Plus, sperm frying cell phones, a naughty text-messaging Congressman, polygamy and one city's restaurant tip-thieves.
On the news that the government would continue its act as helicopter mom -- swooping in to protect the super big banks from certain failure, promising billions and billions to stave off a total meltdown and spanking short-sellers for being so darn negative and betting on a stock's failure -- the stock market rallied late Wednesday.
Barack Obama called for the federal government to do whatever it takes to unfreeze the credit that could go to the housing market. He also called for better regulation overall of the financial industries. So did John McCain. In fact everybody's calling for it, even Wall Street. McCain also wants to fire the head of the SEC. Obama said he wants to just fire them all!
Donald Trump, a once notorious firer, has endorsed John McCain. Ouch. That kind of wrecks the whole nouveau-populist thing McCain has been giving a go, doesn't it?
The good financial news? Well, there is none, even for you. Your household's networth and everybody elses' declined ... again.
Stop with the depressing money talk, let's have some fun. That can only mean: Daily Palin. You know all about her email getting hacked, now you know how. It's the same way you broke into your ex's credit card account or managed to log on to your sister-in-law's hidden baby registery at Tiffany's: you answered the world's easiest questions. In this case, the hacker plugged in where she and Todd, loyal, loyal Todd (next 'graph), met.
He won't testify! Todd Palin was suponeaed to testify in an Alaska Legislative Council investigation, dubbed "Troopergate." But his lawyer (as puppet-mastered by John McCain's) told the group his client will not appear Friday as instructed. Too partisan. Todd will, however, show up anytime the investigative team that his wife put together asks him to. Because that's accountability, once removed (by marriage).
Can't figure out those crazy Alaskans? This might help. Though all the talk about "survivin' winters" and such doesn't explain why Palin canceled a trip to Florida due to thunderstorms.
And last night, on a very special Sean Hannity, Palin apologized for hurting Barack Obama's feelings and those of other community organizers. She hurt their feelings? Actually, we think she pissed them off.
She also called Joe Biden old, which is pretty rich ... running mate's glass houses (not sure how many) and all.
Oh, enough about that, let's talk about polygamy! A documentary filmmaker from the U.K. got access to a polygamous family and found what gets portrayed as a win-win situation for all is actually like a more traditional two-person relationship: filled with resentment, bitterness and jealousy -- but bigger dining room tables!
If you're going to have lots of kids with all those wives, better turn off the cell phone guys. It's degrading your sperm quality.
Random but fun:
The mayor of Chicago has proposed a plan to slash greenhouse gasses in his city and make it one of the greenest in the nation.
The staff of several big-name New York City restaurants have filed a lawsuit claiming they were cheated out of tips and other bennies. This dishy news is especially juicy considering the restaurants and owners named (Robert de Niro, we're talking to YOU!).
Remember the none-too-subtle text-messaging Congressman Mark Foley and his flirty exchanges with young male Congressional pages? Totally off the hook -- all charges dropped. (Career still in ruins.)
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Photo: deadprogrammer.com
