It’s the stuff of family lore – the time sibling rivalry reared back its ugly head and cut a chunk out of my brother’s hair. Hey, it wasn’t my fault – he fell into the scissors.
Where there are two children with the same parents, nine times out of ten, there are fights. To those of you who shared bon bons and bon mots with your siblings, goody, goody for you. The rest of us would like to plant our butts on your hip and fart. You ought to know what it feels like – we definitely do.
One sister in New York City must have had her fair share of gas passed in her general direction. Her brother issued a Craigslist wanted ad for a girlfriend last week – specifically one who would annoy the piss out of his sister. (Read the whole ad here.)
Like all cases of sibling rivalry (according to our pleading moms), the brother in question is attempting a relatively good deed in a very wrong (albeit hilarious) way. His sister’s current boyfriend is the proverbial tool, and he’s looking to make her drop him like it’s hot.
To convince her, he’s willing to put up with a girlfriend who says “that’s so funny” instead of laughing (a la Mandy Moore’s turn as J.D.’s true love on Scrubs), who has expensive taste but a fist that’s tighter than Jane Fonda’s behind and is in his words, “obnoxious, thoughtless and immature.” Oh, and did we mention “painful to be around?”
He says he’s already tried normal measures to get her to send the tool to the shed, ditching double dates and even telling her how he feels, but nothing has worked. So he’s returning to the tried and true method of getting his sister to say uncle.
As an older sister whose brother has grown on her over the years, I’ve got to ask, whatever happened to the good old Indian burn and a noogie?
