Playgroups are like childhood vaccines. Some parents wouldn't dare raise their young children without a regularly scheduled one. Others don't want anything to do with them. Others attend reluctantly, off schedule, skipping frequently.
And it's true, playgroups, like vaccines, sometimes get knocked for a few bad outcomes. They get blamed for giving you a low self-esteem ("the other moms made me feel like I brought the wrong snack," "we didn't have the right stroller!"). They're a hotbed of self-deprecation. Playgroup was the miracle that promised to prevent loneliness and first-time parent confusion but wound up making you feel like a loser.
I have always loved the idea of playgroups more than the playgroups themselves. After being in several, I've come to look at them more like pick-up bars: you meet someone you like, trade phone numbers and see each other outside the set time and location.
In fact, the bigger a playgroup, the better. There are more parents to choose from, the leadership is weak and you can slink in and out without drawing too much attention to yourself. But that's just me. I'm willing to use the hospitality of others to fulfill my own personal needs. It's worked well for me. Here are 7 more tips for surviving (and getting what you need out of) playgroups.
1. Go as yourself. Seriously, if you're a ponytail and yoga pants type, don't actually put on lipstick and pleated khaki shorts. You don't want to accidentally fall in the wrong crowd (you know, the ones that are also planning to caravan to next weekend's Sarah Palin rally).
2. Think of it as material. Instead of clenching your jaw through two hours of kiddie/mommy hell, think of your disastrous playgroup as writing material for your blog, or storytelling material for your single friends.
3. Remind yourself that this isn't the last stop, just layover. If you just need to be around warm bodies and hot coffee, suck it up and keep going. This won't last forever. Eventually, you'll either go back to work or find someone you really like hanging out with. Which leads us to 4.
4. Feel free to form cliques. Playgroups are not the boardroom. There is no common goal, there is no singular vision. Just you and a bunch of moms and dads looking for other parents and, eventually, like-aged kids for your toddlers to play with. Glob on to the funny mom! Fight for a seat next to the one who packs wine! Have a side conversation. Don't worry about including everyone. Don't feel obligated to laugh at stupid jokes.
5. Gather supporters and break off on your own. A playgroup's minimum membership is two. Feel free to exchange phone numbers and meet the following week, just the two of you.
6. If it's your turn to host, feel free to dial it down. I don't care what kind of cheese and sausage board Alpha Mom set out when she hosted, you don't have to meet or exceed her expectations. If you're a store-bought muffins and coffee type, crack open that blister pack and serve without shame. You don't want to participate in the escalation of at-home parental duties, you want to minimize. Tell everyone I told you the bowl of pretzels and lukewarm tap water was OK.
7. Use your kid -- he got you into this mess, he can get you out. Is the gathered group really that intolerable? Seriously, no one with mom-friend potential? Then gather up your kid, claim the kid's getting fussy and say you'll try again next week. And then run, run like the wind, become a park regular and never, ever go back to playgroup.
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Photo: chickspeak.com
