Strollerderby

Three close friends of mine who had serious fertility problems were all under 30 when it all began. I, on the other hand, conceived 1 at 33, 1 at 35, (both on the "first try") and am now unexpectedly (although not unhappily) pregnant at 38. The fact is, I come from a long line of women who never had fertility problems and who continued to have babies into their late 30s and early 40s. I think a lot of this has to do with genetics.

Still it would be negligent of these doctors not to tell you the realities of the limits of fertility medicine. Maybe the way the doctor said it is harsh, but it doesn't change the general facts that it gets harder to conceive the older you get. Isn't that what are doctors are for to tell us the truth.

I agree w/ chyna823 that genetics seem to play a role.  I also agree w/ Treespeed that part of a physician's responsibility is to lay the facts on the line.  The reality is that doctors are like the rest of us - some operate with great tact and have a way with words and others are blunt and don't sugar-coat.  Financial advisors, attorneys and your kid's teacher are this way, too.  Point is, it's human to take offense at how a message is delivered when the message is one that you don't want to hear.  

Infertility is not an issue for me - I feel tremendously fortunate.  I have stood by many a friend as she (and partner) endure all the tests and assistive measures, etc.  But, frankly, a LOT of women are in denial about A. Their true biological age (so many people don't realize how old they are - it's weird!) and B. The reality of waning fertility.  That cartoon with the woman shrieking, "Oh my god - I forgot to have children!" - Well, I see that played out again and again and again.  Probably because I'm 39 and half a dozen of my friends are frantically deciding between Door One (marry any guy who comes along and reproduce NOW) or Door Two (trek over to the sperm bank.)

As for the top reasons for infertility cited in the article, isn't it better to find out whether those are factors when one is 25 or 27 than when one is 35 or 37?  Before I met my husband I asked for a full work-up (I was 23) to find out if I should expect issues down the road.

"Although there are many factors and practical reasons why women and men delay having a family at a younger age, we need to be proactive in informing and educating the public of the relationship of age and fertility."

See, I totally agree with this. I honestly don't think that a lot of women I know understand that celebrities and other women in the news who have babies in their 40s are the exception and not that rule. At the clinic near where I live, IVF has a success rate of 40% per try if you are under 35 and 16% if you are over 39.

And then you get all your parents and families telling you in your 20s that you have all the time in the world and to enjoy yourself. You can have babies later when you want them! Suddenly you are in a position to have a child and then you find out that it's not as easy as you thought because fertility is tied to age.

I don't think doctors have to be rude about telling people that you can't turn back time in your ovaries, but they should tell you. It's something really important, and I feel it's often talked about in a misleading way.

Yes I have PCOS and yes, I am currently experiencing infertility. The pain of not having a baby puts me in the "Have 'em when you can" camp because when the time is ready and you want but can't have, it really sucks.

@lilahorchid -

Please don't give up on the idea of being a parent because of fertility issues. I hope that, since you want to get pregnant, that will happen for you.  But, if for some reason, you can't have a baby, physically - don't forget that there are plenty of children out there who need parents.  Speaking as an adopted kid myself, I can vouch for the intensity of the parent-child relationship that is possible with an adopted child - my mom was every bit as much a parent (if not more!) than the biological moms we knew.  There isn't a guarantee that you'll love/bond with/look like a biological kid - just like with an adopted kid. I understand that many women do very much want to bear a child - and I sympathize as best I can with struggles to do so. But don't give up on parenthood if you don't have to!

anonadopted - I honestly don't care if I push a baby out or adopt a child... I just want a family. My husband is not quite as motivated as me, so he's still on the fence at times about adopting. I don't think it's fair to my hubs or to an adopted child if both of us are not 100% on board for adoption.

I've looked into adopting and it appears to be about as stressful as trying to get pregnant when you are infertile. ;) Believe me, it's still on the table!