Strollerderby

I didn't have a home birth, but did have an unmedicated one -- by choice -- and I totally get your point, Madeline. People acted like I was NUTS to not sign up immediately for an epidural. I don't care if other women get the drugs. I don't think and don't say they're doing it wrong; it's their choice. Yet, many people -- many women -- judged me for my choice.

Women's bodies and birth still are mysteries to many people, including women, I think. Feminism encourages us to look at our bodies, but so often we do so only as it relates to sex -- and I mean just the sex act, not reproduction and birth. Young women, women like me who are under 30, are especially clueless about the birthing process, I think, because not all of us want kids or are ready for kids, and we grew up having our mothers tell us to be more than mothers.

I think we all get especially defensive when our personal choices are questioned. It's just human nature.

I got flak from friends for wanting the hospital and as many drugs as I could get.  But this is because they didn't have the god-awful, everything went wrong birth that I had with my first child.  

Everyone needs to remember that having babies is something that only the mom is actually going through...whatever the mom wants is the best choice for her. End of story.

I really think it goes both ways. I have no problem with home birth, although it was not for me. However, when I meet women who have had a home birth, they almost always have to go into a long speech about how much better home birthing is, how giving birth in a hospital is a cruel way to bring a child into the world, etc. I had 2 major medical reasons to have a C-section, and I am so tired of hearing these women tell me how I should have done anything to avoid this. My child's life was in danger, for goodness sake. I knew about the problem ahead of time and made the right decision for me. (btw, I live in San Francisco, and we do have a lot of these sanctimommy types here.)

I did meet a woman (from England) who told me she had a home birth, and then went on to say that she did it because she doesn't like hospitals, and it was just a good decision for her. It was so refreshing to hear someone talk about this without giving a high-and-mighty attitude.

It's true that before you give birth, all you see or hear are horrible stories, ones that got me absolutely terrified of childbirth until I guess the day I got so pregnant and uncomfortable it didn't seem so scary anymore. I had envisioned that it would be the end of the world, a chaotic and traumatizing event that would leave me forever scarred!

Personally, I preferred being in the hospital in case something happened to either me or the baby, but I also chose the hospital that always comes up on top of the lists for their great birthing philosophy (and no, it doesn't have to do with money, I live in Canada and universal health care means you get to chose your hospital and it's "free"). The care we had was really humane and incredible. In the end I had a completely low-key and positive experience, probably very similar to one I could have had at home: in a real bed in my own private room where I stayed the whole time, with only my partner and one extremely compassionate and competent nurse, and without an epidural or any drugs. The doctor did check me out from time to time, but it didn't feel invasive, and he only popped in for the last 10 minutes at the end.

For me it felt like the best of both worlds, and it turned out I had made the right choice, since I lost a lot of blood and instantly became dangerously weak and anemic. So instead of a traumatic trip to the ER right after giving birth, I was just quickly plugged to an IV, barely noticed and could enjoy my new baby.

I don't think home birthing should be this polarized, though! I have nothing against home births, but you do see a lot of extremely spacey women doing it, and I guess that's what annoys people most!

If you have a home birth and the baby or the mother dies is someone criminally liable? Didnt some ladies just get prosecuted for letting a mother die after a homebirth gone wrong?  I was only able to have my kids after fertility treatments so I decided not to leave it to chance.  Homebirth is for people who can have babies easy or if something goes wrong they can have another later.

Yup, Alice, because kids are expendable and one can easily take the place of another for us fertile types. YEESH.

I think that Jezebel post was so obnoxious.

OK, the way Alice said what she said was not appropriate. However, I have to say that the people I know who had home births all had a pretty easy time getting pregnant. I don't think they think their kids are more expendable, but if you have had problems in the past, you are more likely to believe something bad could happen during the birth. Therefore, they are more likely to want to give birth in a hospital in case something does go wrong.

I do have a question for the mom's who gave birth at home. This is purely because I am curious.

In the NY Times article, they talk about all of the waste produced during the birth, and how it all fits into a garbage bag and they throw it in the trash. Is that how you did it? I used to work with hospitals, and I know they have very strict rules about how biohazard is disposed of. (They could never throw it in the trash.) Maybe that is because of the large amount of biohazard produced at hospitals. Anyway, this is something I have alway been curious about.

gpgirl, I get the same reaction when I tell people my daughter was born via c-section.  At this point, my hackles go up the minute someone puts on their self-righteous holier-than-thou gearing-up-for-a-lecture face.  I cut them off at the pass and inform that that if not for the c-section, neither one of us would have lived.

I don't get why so many people think it's any of their business.

It's amazing how, no matter what we choose, we manage to feel judged by the women around us. In response to Alice's comment: it is incredibly offensive to say a woman who choses homebirth does so because she can always have more babies and the child she carries is expendable. If it is true that women who choose homebirth are the ones who get pregnant easily (and in my experience, it isn't, necessarily) it's because, after getting pregnant easily, they are usually relatively confident that their bodies "work", and so aren't afraid of the birth..gpgirl, I'm a midwife in Canada, and have attended many home births, where I work, biomedical waste is disposed of appropriately. It means that I have to bring the placenta etc. to my clinic after a birth to put it in the biomedical waste disposal bag to be burned later.

Oh, and as long as everyone's safe and healthy, how ANY of us choose to give birth isn't anyone else's business.

My problem with homebirth has nothing to do with thinking it's gross. As a woman who lost a baby, I find it frustrating that the natural birth crowd believes you can think your way to a successful pregnancy. I find a lot of their belief system offensive, and there is no place in that 'sisterhood of empowerment' for women who don't trust their bodies because their bodies actually can't be trusted.

When you tell people things like that they won't bond with their babies because they had a c-section, that's kind of alienating. And that stuff gets passed along from Odent to Hathor the (obnoxious) Cowgoddess to my friend who repeats it to me like it's gospel.

I also can't stomach the mantras, the blessingways, etc...Fine. You want to birth at home. But does it have to be a spiritual event? Does it have to be "empowering?" Why does it have to be anything other than what it is--a process to get your kid out in the world. I guess as someone who had a lot of trouble doing that it frustrates me that there are women who find that sort of secondary.

Multiple well-constructed studies have shown that planned homebirths for low-risk mothers/babies attended by skilled professionals have morbidity/mortality rates similar or better than hospital births. The women in Florida were not trained midwives or medical professionals of any sort and the woman who died didn't die quickly (if I remember correctly, it took a couple of days) and could have been saved with a quick little blood transfusion.

I am employed as an RN in a hospital Labor & Delivery unit and I did not hesitate to conclude my 2 low-risk pregnancies with homebirths. I have full respect and appreciation for MDs and the job they do to save the lives of sick moms and babies. However, it is not negligent or illogical or uncaring for a low-risk healthy mom to give birth at home.

Thank you for this refreshingly open-minded and non-polarizing take on the NY Times story.  I have been horrified over the last couple of days by the venom being directed at women who choose to have a home birth by supposedly female-geared sites like Jezebel.  Just downright irresponsible, insensitive, and ignorant perspectives being spewed forth, right and left!  I had a home birth, but it is something that I consider to be an extremely personal decision and I totally respect women who determine that the hospital/meds is what's best for them.  I just don't understand what is so incredibly threatening, so downright provocative about home birth.  Many of the people who have posted the most vitriolic comments online haven't even bothered to read the Times story, they just pick up on the grossed-out tone of the recaps on sites like Jezebel and go to town.  It really saddens me because as a person who really values my own body and my reproductive rights, I think this culture of catty judgement and meanness really does all women (of every birthing persuasion) a disservice.

@ Frustrated - Despite having also losing a (my second) baby, I chose home birth for my third child (second term delivery) because I was not sick and neither was my baby. The hospital, as I understand it, is where sick people go to be made well. I would have happily moved to the hospital if I had become sick or had my baby become sick (or appeared to maybe possibly look like one of us might get sick), though midwives are prepared for virtually all non surgical emergencies.

I live in an apartment, too. I laboured here during my first labour and during the entire second birth experience and none of the neighbours had a clue anything was going on - and I sound like a cow on LSD when I'm birthing.

Birth where you feel safest, by all means, but maybe you could keep your judgments about the motivations of each of us to yourself.

@Leigh - I think you got to the heart of the matter when you said "a person who really values my own body and my reproductive rights".

Because that's what it's about: a woman's reproductive rights. And the hospital actively seeks to suppress those rights so that, whenever convenient for them, they can do whatever they like to you without regard for your actual health.

If, however, you don't believe a hospital should have that right and you take the steps to prevent such a thing by choosing to birth outside of a hospital setting, you are accused of a variety of things: valuing "personal experience" over health outcomes, valuing cultural fashion over health outcomes, imposing on one's neighbours, being a hippie, being irresponsible, being intellectually blind, not caring about one's child's health and safety, dangerous...

Rubbish!

I loved this post! And honestly, the only place I run into this kind of hostility is online. In my circle of close friends I am the only home birther. My friends know how I prefer to give birth but I would never push it as the righter or best choice (and would only encourage it or talk about the pros if specifically asked). My closest friends have had everything from in-hospital med-free waterbirth to planned c-sections. I respect their reasons and they respect mine. Maybe it's because, IRL, we know that we are all intelligent, thoughtful women and caring, thoughtful mothers, not just types.

Honestly, I think that whatever you choose is your business. I read the NY Times article and thought, well good for them--if that's what they want to do, let 'em.

For me, no way. My first baby was "sunny-side up" and my "final 15 minutes of grunting or growling, maaaaaaaybe a scream (in 15-second intervals every, what, one or two minutes?" was in reality 3 solid hours of VERY HARD LABOR that only ended when the doctor did an episiotomy and used a vacuum on her little noggin to help her out (it didn't help that her head size was in the 97th percentile for newborns). I can't even imagine what would have happened if I'd been trying to give birth at home (actually, I can--I just don't want to).

I'm due on 12/24, and I'll be heading to the hospital with this one--my choice, which is good for me, and good for the baby.