Recently my wife went back to school and finished up a
bachelor’s degree in psychology. She was thrilled. I was thrilled. Even the
damn pets were thrilled. The party, however, ended abruptly when Nicole
realized she was, with her still hot from the oven degree in hand, entering the
most hostile job market in generations. That’s when she introduced an
intriguing proposition. “Hey, how about I keep the kids at home for awhile? If
I can’t get a job now, I might as well take them out of child care and be a
stay-at-home mom.” This was coming from a woman who started her college career
on an education degree track, but then realized she didn’t like kids. This was
different though. These were our kids, and your own kids are always infinitely
lovelier than other peoples’ kids.
Throughout Nicole’s stay-at-home adventure, we’ve learned a
lot about her personality, our kids’ personalities and the realities of staying
at home with kids. Here are some of the lessons we learned, starting with the
cons. In part two we’ll cover the pros and at the end I’ll let you in on what
eventually happened to Nicole and how staying at home (I've heard SAH parent is the term for those in the know) has worked out for her.
The Cons:
Loneliness
Workplaces feed you daily social interaction with adults
that we probably all take for granted. Once their daily routine revolves around
the kid(s), many stay-at-home parents find themselves isolated. Some turn their
child into their best friend, which at times puts the child in a peculiar situation
as mommy or daddy gradually engages Jr. in too grown-up talk.
Loss of Identity via
Loss of Career
I personally try not to define myself by my work (there are
just too many more important aspects of personality), but I cannot deny all of
us in the workplace to some degree merge our work into our self-esteem and
identity. When you break that source of identity off, you can definitely feel
that loss. People also crave the positive feedback one gets from the workplace
and approbation is not something you usually get out of a screaming toddler or diaper full of crap.
Hard to Get Back to
Work
Many parents find it’s tough to rejoin the job market after
a sustained sabbatical.
You Can’t Provide the
Activity and Socializing a Good Day Care/Preschool Can:
Hey, you’re a super stay-at-home parent. You go above and
beyond the call of duty; you’re a total parenting rock star. Nonetheless, you
still can’t compete with a child care program when it comes to activities and
socializing. Good programs jam pack your child’s day with fun and educational
projects. Also, you can’t underestimate
the value of exposing your child to their peers on a daily basis. Interacting
with other kids is essential for a child’s emotional and intellectual
development. Yes, you can get them out of the house and around kids at the
park, but you probably can’t offer them a whole class of kids working, playing
and learning together every day.
Loss of Income
Yep, you do save money on child care when you keep the kids
at home, but more likely than not that saved money isn’t as much as the income
you lose by extracting yourself from work.
How About Losing 1 Million Dollars?
That's the amount economists say the stay-at-home parent who relinquishes a career may lose about $1 million over the years., when you factor in benefits and pensions. Yee-ouch!
Housework and Child
Care Can Be Boring and Frustrating
Okay, hold your tomatoes, don’t throw them just yet. I’m not
saying parenthood is boring, I’m just saying the diaper changing and tackling
endless loads of laundry can be tedious and wearisome. A lot of this is about
personality. I know women (and guys) who gain a great deal of satisfaction from
mopping the floor and wiping noses. But just because other parents enjoy it
doesn’t mean you must as well. You have to be honest with yourself.
Okay, enough doom and gloom. Let’s move on to the positives
of staying home.
Click here for PART 2: The Pros.
More by this author:
The Worst Baby Products Ever (Part I)
10 Things You May Not Know About Pregnancy (and might shock
you)
The 26 Most Disturbing
Kids Movies Ever
