Strollerderby

Silent Fright: 9 Creepy and Unsettling Christmas Commercials

Posted by Cole Gamble

 #1 Ronald McDonald Plays with Children

 

 

If you wern't afraid of clowns before, now's the time to start. 

 

#2 Vern Fonk Insurance Happy Holidays

 

 

Merry Christmas, from Satan

 

 

#3 Go Jesus

 

I don't know. I kind of like Bust a Move Jesus. You think our Lord and Savior can't shake his ass? Sinner!

 

#4 Mom is Santa

 

 

 When you discover mom is a dominatrix, you've actually discovered two things. Dad's the gimp.

 

#5 A Very Scary Christmas

 

 

Do you think Freddy and Jason get into a fight over who gets to carve the ham?

 

 #6 Santa Takes a Dump

 

Can Santa sue for defamation of character?

 

#7 Christmas Morning Meltdown

 

To be fair, that's how I reacted last Christmas when I got the diamond-studded Hummer 2 instead of the diamond-studdied Hummer 3 I asked for.

 

#8 Mistletoe Surprise

 

 

Thanks, Canadian company I can't remember. You runied Christmas with dog's nards. Congrats!

 

#9 The Dancing, Stripping Christmas Present

 

 

This guy wants to show us his package. Badly. 

 

 

More by this author:

A Guy’s Take on Stay at Home Moms and Dads (Part 1: The Cons)

Banana Dildos and the 10 Worst Toys and Gifts This Christmas (part 1)

Skinny Jeans for Little Boys?

Desert Island Disks – Kid Music Edition

Gangsta’ Muppets: 12 of the Best Kids Show/Rap Mash-Ups

The Worst Baby Products Ever (Part I)


10 Things You May Not Know About Pregnancy (and might shock you)

The 26 Most Disturbing Kids Movies Ever


+ DIGG + STUMBLE

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About Cole Gamble

Cole Gamble’s writings on the crimes of Willy Wonka, man-eating beds and tales from his cringe-worthy life appear here on Babble, the humor site Cracked, The Daily Beast, The Huffington Post and Salon. He is working on a book entitled, Conquer Everything! A Self Help Book to Destroy All Other Self Help Books and Grant You Mastery in Everything.

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