It has been said that if you're going to steal, steal from the best. The new film "Delgo" (now in theaters) certainly does that, but they seem to have swiped more than they could carry.
This new CGI animated feature has elements of "Star Wars", "Dune", "Lord of the Rings" and even "Shrek", the latter only in terms of the animation. There are the usual cheap attempts at kiddie humor – characters running into walls suddenly, things falling down, yelling – but that alone wouldn't be enough to make this flick worth skipping. (In fact, that's probably the only part of the film most children will enjoy, other than a couple of halfway-decent action sequences that occur much too late to save the movie.) What truly makes me say that this is not a film for children, despite the fact that it is clearly meant for a family audience, is the confusing story and oddly graphic violence. It does have genuinely beautiful character and scene design, and although the animation isn't the best you've seen, it's far from the worst. But following the plot requires effort that just isn't worth it.
Let me try to summarize the story. There are two races in the land of Jhamora, the Lockni and the Nohrin. The Nohrin have wings, the Lockni don't, but they can make stones levitate. The two races/tribes/whatever have an uneasy truce, which was reached after a Nohrin invasion of a Lockni village, when our hero Delgo's (Freddie Prinze Jr.) parents were killed. Delgo soon meets the Nohrin Princess Kyla (Jennifer Love Hewitt), whose mother was killed by a fellow Nohrin named Sedessa (Anne Bancroft, in her final screen appearance) when Kyla was just a baby. Sedessa was exiled and her wings were chopped off. Delgo seems conflicted about his feelings for the Nohrin, and it affects his ability to make rocks move with his mind. Elder Marley (Michael Clarke Duncan) tries to teach him how to move rocks better by offering subpar Yoda-esque lines like, "Connect with the stone, Delgo…feel its pulse," and "The stones are a path to a higher good… they will teach you about yourself." (It doesn't exactly have the resonance of "Do or do not. There is no try.") Meanwhile, Sedessa has been plotting her revenge from an aerie in the sky somewhere. She has a closet filled with dozens of fake wings that makes her seem like an alien Imelda Marcos (remember her? The shoes?). Sedessa is in control of a race of creatures that look like Tolkein's Goblins whom she uses as muscle, as well as another group of smaller creatures whose sole purpose seems to be to screw things up when they are needed. (Their leader, if you can call him that, is Spig, voiced by Eric Idle, who speaks in bad malapropisms like Shakespeare's Dogberry. Unlike Dogberry, he's almost never funny.) Sedessa has help on the inside from Raius (Malcolm McDowell), a Nohrin soldier who wants to be general, which he becomes after framing the current general, Bogardus (Val Kilmer), who appears to be a compulsive gambler. Through various manipulations, war breaks out between the Nohrin and the Lockni, then Sedessa leads her Goblins-that-aren't-Goblins into battle while the two races are fighting. But the winged and the ground-bound fight together and save the day.
Got it? If so, can you explain it to me? The elevator pitch could go something like this: "It's like 'Lord of the Rings' meets 'Romeo and Juliet' meets 'Star Wars' meets 'The Lion King', which itself was cribbed liberally from 'Hamlet', so throw that in too." If this film were any more derivative, it could be traded on the Nasdaq. "Delgo" isn't complex the way well-crafted stories are; it's more bloated and obtuse. This could be due to too many writers; six are credited, and many more receive credit at the end, including Jeff "The Dude" Dowd – yes, the guy "The Big Lebowski" character was based on – as a "script consultant", but that may be fake. It's not clear. Jokes are thrown in here and there, Delgo's character becomes a warrior of sorts without any particular explanation, Bogardus uses the term "vig" when talking to a creature who may or may not be his bookie – storytelling at its finest, this is not.
By far the best thing about "Delgo" is the designs that the animation is based on. Most of the reviews have slammed the CGI, but by now I’m used to it, and the many years that were apparently spent on post-production paid off somewhat. There are a few beautifully drawn backgrounds, some cool-looking creatures (like the flying warship-things that the faux Goblins ride) and these nifty walking plants. The drawings that appear over the end credits (which feature a litany of bizarre jobs such as "Alchemist of Pseudo-Reality" that must be inside jokes) have more life in them than their animated brethren, which isn't a good thing. Maybe someone could re-release "Delgo" as a series of picture books, perhaps emphasizing the undeniably good message respecting different races and the dangers of war, which is definitely present in the film but gets lost amidst all the clutter.
The main reason I need to tell parents to be cautious about "Delgo" is the violence. I'm not anti-violence at all, but some things here seem unnecessarily graphic, like a character who gets run-through with a sword, and another who gets shot in the back with an arrow. There's not much blood, but the suddenness of the deaths could be upsetting to younger children. Also potentially disturbing for little ones is a flashback scene when Nohrin warriors kill Delgo's parents while he hides in the closet of their Lockni hut. (Let me be clear – a child is playing with his dad at home, and scary people break in and kill his mother and father while he watches.) Then a Nohrin soldier sees him, pokes his head into the closet and says, "You're on your own, kid." Of course, there's a very good chance that any human children in the audience will have fallen asleep by the time these events occur, and even if they don't there's virtually no chance they will have become involved in the characters because the script simply doesn't allow them to do so. Many other films targeted at children are violent and/or dark, like the last couple of "Harry Potter" movies. But at least the story backing them up has some depth. Also worth mentioning is the fact that the outfits some of the characters wear are oddly tight-fitting and, especially in the case of Bancroft's Sedessa, weirdly well endowed. (Think wasp-waist, C-cup.) That's not a bad thing, I suppose. But it seems like an odd choice.
As for the cast, it's "all-star" but not exactly A-list. Where "Kung Fu Panda" had Angelina Jolie and Dustin Hoffman, "Delgo" has Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prinze Jr. Other folks picking up a paycheck include Burt Reynolds, Louis Gossett Jr., Kelly Ripa, and Chris Kattan (who I almost feel sorry for, since even when animated he gets cast as a nitwit; then I remember that at least he's working and any sympathy goes out the window). They all give fairly generic and uninspired line readings except for Malcolm McDowell, who does a decent enough villain, and the late Anne Bancroft, who uses her considerable talents to create an actual character with her voice. This is Ms. Bancroft's final film to be released in theaters; remember that she died in 2005, which should give you an idea of how long the newly created Fathom Studios has been working on this thing. Saying "an actress of her talent deserves a better screen farewell" is a cliché, even if it is true. Still, she does more with the material than her younger cast members, and at least she went out playing a much younger character. Sometimes in Hollywood, actors have to take what they can get. Family moviegoers, though, should probably exercise freedom of choice and stay home.
"Delgo" is now in theaters. The trailer, which makes the film look less weird than it is, is below.
Image: Amazon.com
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