I am not a believer in abstinence-only sex "education." I think chastity balls are unrealistic at best and creepy as all get out at worst. I have no interest in telling girls and women that having sex diminishes their value as a human being. It's pretty obvious that whatever complications sex may entail can be avoided by avoiding sex. One hardly needs a class in school to figure that one out. All I can assume then, is that these abstinence-only classes, virginity pledges and the like are really about moral judgement and shame.
Being against moral judgement and shame, I'm all for real sex education. I want my kids to know all there is to be known about sex and its consequences, about relationships and how to recognize a dangerous one and how to maintain a healthy one. I'd like my girls to know all of this information, file it in their brains and then not use it until they are out of their teens (like I did).
First of all, some may say this is a pipe dream, that teenagers do and will have sex. But actually, less than half (46%) of teens between 15 and 19 have had "sex" at least once. For nineteen year olds, the figure is still only 70%. That's a far cry from "everybody does it." And while I do believe every child should be prepared with the knowledge and healthcare access that assumes teen sexual activity, I hope my children don't choose to engage in serious sexual relationships (or, for that matter, fleeting ones) before they are at least 20, even with proper contraception at their fingertips.
Why? Because sexual relationships--especially first ones--tend to be highly energy consuming and emotionally draining. Sexual relationships assume (I am talking here only about voluntary sexual relationships) a serious investment of interest, time and concern in another human being--the sexual partner--and I'd like my girls to be a little more self-centered in their youth. I want my girls to have ample opportunity to explore who they are, what they love about themselves and about life before they get bogged down with Hollywood's version of love--a romantic, sexual relationship. I fear that too much time and energy spent on a sexual partner will rob them of time and energy they could be spending developing real knowledge of themselves; real love for themselves. And I think it's this kind of knowledge and love of self that can make for better relationships when they do happen.
In this day and age, in the socio-economic class my girls inhabit, people don't settle down until their mid-twenties or later. There is just no need for serious courtships and relationship practice in high school.
Girls and women learn fast enough that society values them most for what they can offer others. And while I want my girls to be generous, I want their generosity to flow from a full place within themselves, a place I'd like them to take some time to fill.
See Also: Smackdown: I Don't Care if my Daughter Has Sex as a Teen
