How does that old relationship truism go? The two issues couples fight about most are sex and money? So in this economy -- impossible mortgage resets, yo-yo fuel prices and smaller and/or vanishing salaries -- there's got to be quite a bit of rancor in the nation's households. Care to share your story?
Data show that layoffs are hitting men way more than women -- they're 82 percent of those getting the pink slip so far -- making women the primary breadwinner and men the primary caregivers in more families than ever. Is this a dreamy reshaping of our culture and gender roles and that holy grail of sex equity?
Not so much, some argue, since the data are also showing that laid-off men spend their home time sleeping, watching TV and looking for jobs rather than upping their childcare contributions, and women doing just as much as they were before (plus scowling at their stinky, unshowered partners?).
Over at Slate, Emily Bazelon wants to know how job losses are affecting home life -- specifically, family relationships, and I'm also curious about yours. So far, Bazelon has gotten responses that show women, too, can feel a loss of self-esteem when laid off (check out the wife who calls herself a "freeloader" since becoming unemployed). There's also a husband who resents his wife for losing her job.
And this from Slate:
The e-mails also reminded me how many people don't fit the standard
today's-trend story line. A reader named Cecily wrote in to say that
she's still struggling with her layoff in October—but her husband is
struggling more. He works for the same company she used to work for,
and "he seems to think that the company should have known that by
laying me off, they would risk losing him, as we might go elsewhere
looking for something better, and that therefore, my getting laid off
was a personal insult to him." Oh dear.
The NY Times published a piece recently arguing men feel the sting of job loss more than women, which feels half true, half like total BS.
First, the "freeloader" comment wouldn't likely come from someone who thought, "ehn. No biggie." As for the "I am a man, must... make ... money" notion, I'd argue younger men, in general mid-30s and down, don't have that same attitude as the 40-somethings interviewed for the piece and who had such an attitude. But that's just me just guessing. It seems like younger men (again, sweeping generalization) are way more open to the day-to-day equal partnership stuff and have always expected their partners to bring in a salary too.
In any case, nobody takes losing a job easily -- especially if they liked the job and needed the income. And that loss, fear and disappointment is going to show up at home no matter what your gender.
Have you or your spouse been laid off? What's the dynamic -- lots of support and reassurances or are you filled with bitterness and/or shame? Plus, any change in who cleans what?
Photo: dearsugar.com
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