Ah, the
children’s birthday party. A perfect venue to implant a sparkling, treasured
memory in your child’s mind forever or scar them irreparably. If my wife is any
indication, planning a child’s birthday party is one of the most hair-pulling,
stress-inducing exercises outside of the birth itself. In the weeks leading up
to my daughter’s recent 5th birthday, Nicole grumbled daily about
how “the parents at Jillian’s school clearly don’t know how to return a god
damn RSVP.” I assured her that RSVP is a French term, and so most parents
probably took it as a joke. Nicole was not swayed.
Having seven
birthday parties under my belt, I think I’m finally getting the hang of how to
make one go smoothly (i.e. avoid emotional disaster). Here are a few of the
pointers I’ve picked up:
DO serve food and drink, making sure to account for all your guests and their
parents.
DON’T serve
booze. At my son’s second birthday, my friend got wasted which made him a great
clown for the kids. What was not so good was when it was time to blow the
candles and my friend joking added, “get ‘em all in one blow, ya little
f****t!” My mom and Nicole’s parent got a real kick out of that. Then came time
for the piniata. After every kid took a few turns whacking the thing, it was
time for an adult to step up and finish the job. My sossed friend grabbed the
plastic bat and began swinging wildly. When a bit of the candy began trickling
out the kids made a dash for it, but my friend, completely oblivious kept
swining, guaranting to pound a little one in the face with his erratic bat.
“Stop kids! Run away from Casey!” I shouted. Sadly, that was when my stepfather
stopped videotaping, which is too bad. I’d like to have a record of that glorious
moment.
DO always serve cupcakes...they hand out it much easier and take less
time. Cupcake cake give you the best of both worlds.
DON’T let
your drunk friends rearrange the cupcakes in a suggestive manner.
DO hand out goody bags as they leave. If you disperse them earlier the kids
will fight about who has what color gifts and such things. The birthday girl might
be envious of the cheap trinkets as well, despite the pile of presents you just
dumped on her.
DON’T put the
following items into the goody bags: slime, beads or a big bag of sugar—unless
you want to guarantee those kids’ parents will never bring them for another
party.
Go to Part 2
More by this Author:
10
Things They Don’t Tell You about Parenting
