Strollerderby

The Most Awesomely Epic High School English Paper of All Time

Posted by Cole Gamble

This is the most awesome thing I've seen all week. Imagine you are a student who really hates your English teacher. And let's say you had to write an essay about a famous poet but didn't give a damn. Your essay might go like this:

 

"I chose Walt Whitman for my biography report because Mr. Farlow said if I wasn't going to take this class seriously and pick a real poet I might as well not show up anymore.Walt Whitman was born in ancient China, is over 90 stories tall and travels the land with his blue ox, Emily Dickenson...

 

Here it is in it's original state:

 

 

 

I can't wait for this kid's next paper.

 

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+ DIGG + STUMBLE
Posted Mar 06 2009, 09:30 AM
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Comments

 

BBBGMOM said:

Where the heck did you get this?  I love it.

March 6, 2009 1:05 PM
 

Huh? said:

If this kid didn't get an "A" on the paper, there is truly no justice in the world.

OK...maybe a "B" because of the denigrating (but creative!) language.

March 6, 2009 2:50 PM
 

leahsmom said:

I want to know how a kid who writes something like this gets into Honors English?

March 6, 2009 3:10 PM
 

Cole Gamble said:

isn't it clear? He's an awesome writer.

March 6, 2009 3:13 PM
 

Alice said:

I remember the first time I got this fake email.  It wasnt funny then either.

March 6, 2009 3:47 PM
 

maeby said:

this is older than the internet but still freaking hilarious! i needed the laugh thanks!

March 6, 2009 10:06 PM
 

Huh? said:

I'm so ashamed.  I fell for an internet hoax.

Strangers now have reason to mock me! The horror!

March 9, 2009 1:07 PM

About Cole Gamble

Cole Gamble’s writings on the crimes of Willy Wonka, man-eating beds and tales from his cringe-worthy life appear here on Babble, the humor site Cracked, The Daily Beast, The Huffington Post and Salon. He is working on a book entitled, Conquer Everything! A Self Help Book to Destroy All Other Self Help Books and Grant You Mastery in Everything.

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