Concerned about the dangers of online predators, mom-of-five Mary Kay Hoal launched a social networking site that she hopes will provide a safe space for kids aged 9 to 18 to interact. But can places like Yoursphere -- which charges a monthly access fee and checks to make sure nobody on it is a registered sex offender -- really serve as alternatives to Facebook (or to MySpace, the Sodom and Gomorrah of Hoal's press release, although nobody really uses MySpace anymore)? And is an alternative even needed?
If you read Hoal's site or her press release (or watch the Nancy Grace Show), you are probably pretty worried about your child's Internet safety. You know that there are sex offenders on MySpace (even though that number, widely disputed, is only about half what you would expect, given the general population on MySpace), you know that "sexting" and other technologically-enhanced forms of teenaged sexual expression can get you killed, and you know that you want to protect your kids.
Well, I agree with you about the last one. As for the other two, it's fairly clear that the dangers of sexual predation online are vastly overstated and exagerated, both by shows like Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" segments and by the marketing for alternative sites like Hoal's. And when it comes to teenaged cruelty around issues of sex and reputation, technology hasn't changed things one whit: girls have been harrassed for sexual activity for centuries in our culture, which continues to both demonize and deny teen sexuality. The medium makes very little difference (except that now, if your teen is engaged in thoroughly consensual sexual flirting using cellphone pictures, she could get charged with child pornography).
As a new study out of Harvard's Berkman Center for the Internet and Society points out, worried parents are barking up the wrong tree here. It's not Facebook, MySpace (does anyone still use MySpace, seriously?), or the Internet at large that hurts kids; the dangers kids face online are the same as they face offline -- dating violence, sexual harrasment, social ostracism, bullying, and yes, sometimes (but very rarely) sexual predation by adult strangers. How to protect them? Funny enough, it's not from banning them from the Internet, or stealing their passwords, or spying on them. Just as in the offline world, kids are protected by having caring adults who talk to them, who make it their business to know where their kids are and what they're doing, who know their friends and are involved in their activities, and who let them know every day that their kids can always come and talk to them about anything. Those of us who have babies, toddlers, and preschoolers right now have no way of knowing what kind of technological advances and devices will flavor their world. All we can do is try to keep up, understand what they're up to, and remember that the more things change, the more they stay the same. It turns out that trust and respect -- not spying, forbidding, or trying to scare them (or their parents) to death -- is what really keeps kids safe.
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