Strollerderby

Things You Should Never Say at a Chuck E Cheese Birthday Party

Posted by Cole Gamble

“Hey why don’t we skip the pitcher of beer and just set me up with an IV, eh Chuck? Just kidding, but seriously, keep those pitchers coming. Dad’s in some pain and he needs his medicine.”

 

 

“Hey kid, go ask that breastfeeding lady if she’s single.”

 

 

(Before playing head-to-head pop-a-shot against a seven year old) “I’m gonna take you down to Chinatown!”

 

 

(After tying with the seven year old and heading into sudden death tiebreaker mode) “Ooo, this shit just got real.”

 

 

(After beating said seven year old in sudden death) “Grow a pair.”

 

 

“No sir, I didn’t come here with a child. Is that some kinda rule?”

 

 

Also not acceptable, walking around with a string of prize tickets hanging from the zipper of your pants asking, “anybody know where I can cash this in?”

 

More from this author:

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My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby - Part 2

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My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby

10 Things They Don’t Tell You about Parenting

The 12 Do’s and Don’ts of Throwing Your Kid’s Birthday Party


 


+ DIGG + STUMBLE

Comments

 

BBBGMOM said:

HA!  I wish you would try those lines.  I hate Chuck E Cheese.  

March 30, 2009 1:14 PM
 

Twyla said:

Thank you for making me actually laugh out loud.

March 31, 2009 1:54 PM

About Cole Gamble

Cole Gamble’s writings on the crimes of Willy Wonka, man-eating beds and tales from his cringe-worthy life appear here on Babble, the humor site Cracked, The Daily Beast, The Huffington Post and Salon. He is working on a book entitled, Conquer Everything! A Self Help Book to Destroy All Other Self Help Books and Grant You Mastery in Everything.

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