You know what I’m going to do this coming Sunday? I’m going to let my child play with Satan’s testicles and chances are, you may too. I personally never think of myself as a God forsaken heathen but it looks like me, along with millions of Americans, are on the road to hellsville with the Devil’s balls firmly in hand.
Are Your Children Playing With Lucifer’s Testicles? is a Christian Bible based tome that “teaches parents how to easily explain to their children that Easter (as it is celebrated by the Unsaved) has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus Christ but is actually a holiday celebrating lewd and sexually explicit pagan rituals of fertility.”
"Easter Eggs are one of the wiliest tools of the Devil," Daniel Cameroon, the writer of the book declares. "Pagan kids didn't have anything to do on Easter Sunday because their mommies and daddies were stuck in a false temple all day, naked and writhing around with their neighbors in Satanic orgies of the flesh. You see, parents had to come up with a way to occupy their children while they were away from home, praying and fornicating under the altar of Satan. And since they didn't have babysitters back then, they gave their kids eggs to play with and sometimes paint.” He continues to state, "But the reason they chose eggs had nothing to do with any sort of fertility or fertilizers (as some misguided Christian historians would have you believe). Nope, it was because of Lucifer's testicles! Glory to God!”
Oh the fun! Can't wait to color, dye and crack open some of my own Lucifer's Testicles. Do you think Easter Eggs are the tools of Satan?
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UPDATE: Betty Wu let us know that this is actualy a parody from Landover Baptist. en.wikipedia.org/.../Landover_Baptist
