Strollerderby

It was not that long ago in this country that a boy knew being a man meant having a family and a job to support them.  Now so many of them do not want to be men.  Advertisers have told us that men should stay children their whole lives.  They spend more and save less if they do.

I agree with you Alice.  These days we (as a culture) are not raising a lot of men - just overgrown teens who are not worth a woman's time.

Sooo, the only way for a man to be a "real" man is to be a father? Nice. Why don't you try switching that up and saying that woman who put their procreation on hold for their career are self-centered?

Maybe these MEN have decided they don't want to be some Mommy's paycheck and they have the decency to state that up front saving everyone a ton of trouble. The real problem here is women who think they are going to change someone's mind, that's the part that seems selfish to me.

I'm a bit old fashioned, but even I can see that boys "knowing" that men grow up to have families and a job to support them is no less of a insult than saying that little girls should know to grow up, marry and have babies and forget about careers.  Now, I'm a stay-at-home mom, but I think that most adults have begun settling down later, not because they are selfish or need to "grow up" but because in earlier decades they were told to basically leave childhood behind when they were still children (marrying at 18, when even now pediatrics goes to 19).  So if someone wants to live their own life on their own terms a little longer, I say let them.  I'm 25, married with a child, but that isn't what everyone wants for their own life.  What gives anyone the right to say to a man "pushing 40" or "on the cusp of middle age" that he needs to grow up when I know plenty of women who are at that same point and still not ready to give up their life?

As a teacher/parent, I'm interested in this topic as a symptom of the vilification of masculinity.  From the time they can walk we tell boys, who tend to be louder/brasher/ more active, to sit down, be quiet, be better organized, plan ahead, etc.  It seems like this could be interpreted as a wide-spread reaction formation on the part of a generation of males who actually couldn't live up to the same expectations of them to be able to balance career and family that have been so challenging to many women for the last two decades.

A man does not have to be a father to be a real man, but he does need to accept responsibility for his actions and have the courage to be honest about what he wants.  He will not string along a woman who wants marriage and kids for seven years when he knows that is not what he will ever want.  He will have the integrity to be upfront that that is not the life he wants.  (and no, the seven years thing is not representative of my own personal experience).  I also think being able to behave like an adult, pay your bills on time, and take care of a dog (or even a houseplant) are good examples of a grown-up (of either gender).