It’s that time of year when a flood of summer wedding
invitations (especially June) clog your mailbox. The wedding party is
finishing alterations and trying to match shoes and what not. Oh, and
also your kids will probably be involved, especially if it’s a relative getting
married. Let’s face it, flower girls and ring bearers are sweet and
receive lots of oohs and awws from the attendees, which adds sweetness to the
whole ceremony. Though they make for a cute prop, the kid is still your responsibility.
If your monster steps on the bride’s train, sets the ice sculpture on fire or
decides to take his pants off at the altar, all eyes burn on you.
1) If the bride is in hysterics
before the wedding, remove the kid from the situation. She might want to
offer the bride her gummy, hair covered lollypop in consolation. Or more likely
your kid will tug out the bride’s delicately done hair while the lady bawls.
Brides do not need the added stress and neither do you!
2) So, flower girls get a cute little dress for the wedding. If the dress needs
no alterations, hide the dress until the day of the wedding. Many little
girls are fascinated with these types of things, especially the three to six
year olds. Unless you want her screaming about her dress over everyone’s
rehearsal dinner speech.
When you hide that dress, hide it
well. If it is introduced to her, it’s all over, even if you hide it, she WILL
find that dress. Private middle of the night fashion shows (twirling)
have been known to happen. The dress could get seriously affected from
all the wear and tear. Then the bride will be annoyed and
you'll have to pay for it, and, again, it’s your problem. Just don't
show her.
3) As for the Ring Bearers. So much about this depends on the age. If someone asks for your eight year old or older son to be a ring bearer; my
advice would be to politely turn them down because an older child carrying a
pillow looks silly, let’s face it. If your son is an appropriate age to be
involved do not discuss the wedding with your son. Make no mention
of the tux he will be wearing; that could cause a lot of trouble for you,
because he'll complain often and many little boys could care less about
weddings anyway, so no harm done. Talking about it may only create pending anxiety
and resentment against YOU for making him do this, so just as the flower girl,
introduce everything the day of the wedding or shortly before if alterations
are a necessity.
4) While at the rehearsal, the night before, I'd not have the children too
involved (i.e. getting the aisle walk just right.) Make sure to tell them that
there will be some people, some of which, they'll know in the audience.
Give them the go ahead to wave and be friendly. That might take away some
of the stage fright. The bride will be way back in line, her heart
beating out of her chest, and she'd never know if your children showed off a
bit or, you know, stopped to take a piss on the carpet.
Continue to Part II
More from this author:
The Miracle of Mannequin Childbirth - Creepy or Funny?
5 Lies Women Tell Each Other About Pregnancy
10 Things I Learned about Poop from My Son
Parents Name Their Baby "World Crisis", “Circumcision”
