Strollerderby

Definitely get a babysitter if you and yours are both in a wedding party!!!!!  (Seen it, wasn't mine thank goodness, but it was meltdown/chaos/3rd ring of Dante's inferno, all because their Mom thought that she didn't need a babysitter what with all the family there)

My step-sister asked my daughter to be a flower girl for her wedding, when my daughter was only 20 months old and I had a 1 month old baby (!!!!!!).  She scheduled pictures to be taken right around 1:30, with the wedding starting at 4:30, and the reception around 6 pm.

1:30 is right in the middle of our nap.

I put my foot down, and caused a great deal of trouble with my step-family, that my children would NOT be attending the picture taking event (at the park, no less - she would've destroyed the dress, too!).  I promised that we'd be there as soon as possible AFTER nap, and that hopefully they could get a couple of shots with the kids then.  I lovingly and calmly explained, over and over, that if they wanted there to be any hope of my kid actually performing their flower girl duties without hysterics, then nap was non-optional.

Unfortunately, my young, childless step-sister didn't understand, and I got in trouble with her and with her mom, who should have known better.  But the bottom line is that I knew my kid's limits and they didn't.  And I was the one who was going to have to deal with my daughter if things went poorly.  As it turned out, we showed up right at the end of the photo shoot, and they were too mad to set up any shots with my kid.  OH WELL.  We can photoshop her in later.

Do whatever it takes to make sure that your kids stays on schedule as much as possible - which means no staying at the rehearsal until late, just because it's a "special occasion" and NO NAP SKIPPING!  If the bride or her mom gets mad, too bad. (I did warn them that my kids were too young to be in the bridal party - but they didn't listen, oh well).

Brides (especially those who don't have children) tend to think of children as cute little props, who will look adorable in the pictures and can then be put up on a shelf until they're needed for the next photo op.  It's just not that way, and they have no idea how much effort it takes for us, as the prop's parents, to keep them clean, dry, fed, and happy for an adult event.  You simply have to stand your ground against them and their unrealistic expectations.

Now my step-sister is pregnant, and I simply cannot WAIT to call her when her kid is 20 months old, and say, "NOW do you understand why we skipped the pictures at your wedding?"  

I'm getting married in two weeks and man, I must say you're giving brides a bad rap! OK, maybe some deserve it. But personally since we have a child already everything about our wedding embraces them, with their perhaps inappropriate loudness, rambunctiousness, quirkiness, and all-over-the-place-ness! Children will be children, and since we wanted them to be welcomed we're doing it during the afternoon and outside where they'll have plenty to do (so mind you we have about none of the things you're talking about -no tuxes, no wedding party, no aisle, no church, no rehearsal dinner, no 6 hour-long reception)... I personally think there's nothing wrong if kids (-not brats-) end up being the center of attention, it'll make it charming and memorable and less cookie-cutter.

I really wouldn't want to be the bride who freaks out because a 4 year-old does not walk down the aisle the proper way!!!

Marie Eve, it sounds like your wedding is going to be a blast!

When my best friends got married, they already had three children (yeah, they waited until they were *really* sure - LOL), so their whole ceremony and reception were very kid-friendly. They encouraged (even begged!) family and friends to bring their own tots for the party, they had the reception early in the afternoon, there were activity tables set up for the kids with coloring, crafts, and tons of dollar-store trinkets they could keep or break at will, etc. They even had kid-friendly songs played for the dancing/party portion of the reception - like the Funky Chicken, the Hokey-Pokey, and so forth.

Speaking of dancing, there is nothing like the sight of fifteen 4-year olds dancing with wild abandon until they are breathless. Almost none of the kids would stay off the dance floor if you paid them...and the result was a reception that I can honestly say was one of the most fun I have ever been to. So, it can be done! But you do have to keep in mind that kids will be kids...if you expect them to stay quietly in the background until it is time for them to look cute for a picture, or expect them to not spill anything on their dress-up clothes, or expect them to..well...NOT be kids, then you will be disappointed.