Strollerderby

You do make an awful number of assumptions in this moral judgment post.  You know nothing about this boy or his father.  You don't know what conversations about women and sex and objectification and the "normalcy" of relationships, or what the meaning of a fulfilling love life is, as compared to the event of losing one's virginity, that this father and son did or did not have.  

You don't know the mind set of the boy, his wishes or desires, or fears or what his life is like or pressures he's felt to live and thrive in the world.  You're not familiar with his culture or world view.  You cannot assume that because one is paying for sex that there will be no respect and that she will be viewed or treated as an object instead of a living breathing person for whom he may well have great respect.  I would guess you don't know what, exactly, this particular locale's red light district is like.  You don't know if the boy is gay, as you say.  So, for that matter, you don't know if the father was providing his son the opportunity to find a male prostitute for him.  How would that rock your world if it were the case?

I could blindly assume that you think sex is a dirty act in general, unless properly sanctioned, or under conditions in which you approve.  One can only wonder what they must be?  Do you think it is the same for everyone?  Hmmmm.  Because, I don't.

The fact is, most people (just like you and me) do have sex for the first time about this age.  Again, guessing, apparently, you think it is somehow MUCH better that this boy experiment with an inexperienced girl his own age (maybe yours?), neither one knowing what they're doing.  How does that usually turn out?  Have you seen teenage pregnancy statistics lately?  With the lack of guidance from the moralists involved in government in the United States over the last 8 years, they've gone up again, whereas with education and the availability of contraception, they had been going down, significantly.  Hence, the number of abortions has risen sharply as well.  How is it possible that so many who are anti-abortion refuse to accept that there is a simple, tried and true method for bringing the numbers down?  While that is a side argument, it applies with respect to the issue of sexual ignorance causing more problems than sexual knowledge and the positive side of knowing what to do, what not to do and what the consequences of an act are going to be.  Have you ever listened to a call in radio show like Lovelines for teens?  Go ahead, learn from the multitude of sexually active teens who know next to nothing, but are doing it all anyway, and then asking about the price they may have paid, or finding out that they were afraid for no reason, but do get advice on counseling, to visit a doctor, and what kinds of questions to ask, rather than remain in ignorance.

And, are you assuming that this event will make him a predator of some kind where teenage girls are unable to advocate for themselves and now this boy is going to be on the prowl?  Well, I'd wager that nearly every teenage boy is already on the prowl and doing pretty much whatever they can to find a girl who will have sex with them.  So, I do hope parents are also educating their daughters, however they choose to do so.  Because most kids are so preoccupied with getting into each other's pants that when they do, there is little time or attention paid to safe sex.  At least, in this case with the prostitute, that will be the very first thing this boy would learn.  Or so I have read and observed from reality programs.

So I certainly agree, the conversations need to take place to educate your children, earlier than 14, about sex.  But there is a difference between the talk about all the multitude of issues of love, romance, responsibilities, physical and medical comprehension, and the act itself.  And to be blunt, as a male, you have to figure out what to do, how it works, and there is nothing that can prepare you for that.  Not video, not talks with your parents or anyone, really, there is nothing like it in the world.  Maybe you don't know about any of this, being a woman.  I don't really know.  As a male, how would I know exactly what you know, or what you knew when you were a virgin?  Just as you have no clue, nor could you, how it is for a male.

All of that said.  I do not think this is a good idea.  I did not do this when I was a kid, or an adult.  I would not do this with my son.  I don't advocate going to prostitutes (though I am not going to pass moralistic judgment upon those who do).  

I recognize that being a prostitute is usually not a choice that is made of one's own volition, and to me, that is the greater issue of concern here.  The failure of society to do a better job of providing women, particularly those who are seen as the lowly and least respected in society and by law enforcement and the judicial systems, a far better means of getting free, enabling them to remove themselves from the situations that put them where they are and the resources to help them maintain that progress.

I also recognize that there are many prostitutes who do choose easy money and have fun with what they do.  By all means, they should be free to do so.  Unless you really do not understand sexuality, you cannot argue that there are men and women who are happy going to prostitutes and that those people have a whole panoply of views and interactions that satisfy them, ranging from being a service, to a fetish solution, to...for some, being the closest thing they can achieve in their lives to finding love and romance, for whatever reason.

So, again.  Was it a good idea for this dad to do this?

Probably not.  

Is it for you to decide what is "morally reprehensible" for others outside of your own family?  

Absolutely not.

I understand your anger - especially as a woman, I understand it.  But I wonder if a visit by CPS is really the right remedy here - after all, parents are allowed to teach their children hatred, bigotry, racism, homophobia, anti-Semitism, hatred of people of size - and the list goes on.  We don't take children away from parents who teach these things, normally - in part because we believe that our society benefits from conflicting viewpoints and maybe we believe some of these hatreds will disappear only through debate and experience instead of through punishment. (There are a lot of other reasons we don't take children away from parents like this, but this is the one that's relevant here.)

What I would like to see is a visit from a counselor.  When a friend of mine at school assaulted me after drinking almost a whole bottle of whisky, I went to the administration and we talked about what to do.  A part of me, I admit, wanted to see him punished.  But mostly, I wanted him to be required to go to alcohol counseling, to be educated about the consequences and potential consequences of what he was doing.   This dad might have been wrong and even in a misogynistic way.  But I can't say that he's bad or unfit - and maybe the best thing would be to help him learn why this behavior was problematic.  That in itself would be a great gift to his son.

bullshit, babbleman.

the father was wrong.

penal panda.