Generation X is apparently much less enthralled with having children (and better equipped with birth control choices) than prior generations. The mean age of women having children is now approximately 30 years, older still for women with higher educational attainment and incomes. As we wait longer to have children, one would assume that our choice is more informed than prior generations.
Quite the contrary. It turns out the we, MTV generation, are relatively clueless about children before deciding to have our own. Since we spend the majority of our early adulthood engaged in work, travel, and romping, is it any wonder?
Here are 5 of the most prevalent misperceptions leading us down the primrose path of parenthood:
1. Having children will make your relationship stronger
While it is true that children often impel people to stay in bad relationships, research shows that the little buggers might be the start of the whole thing falling apart anyway. Marital quality usually declines after having children. Seattle's Gottman Institute conducted a multi-year study to identify key factors in decreasing marital discord after having a baby.
2. Men and women share childrearing duties and parent the same. Co-parenting works
In her book "The Second Shift" Arlie Russell Hochschild points out that women still do the majority of cooking, cleaning, laundry and childcare, regardless of how many hours they put in at the office.
3. You will get your body back
Read the stats on obesity lately? It is probably unfair to blame the extra pounds on the pregnancy, but at least you can if you like.
4. Wait six weeks after the baby to resume your sex life and it will return to normal.
You sex life won't return to normal (whatever that is). You can write a book about it, talk to your friends on the sly, and do your sit-ups. It will change as surely as your body will.
5. Having children will make an empty life seem full.
Not surprisingly, an empty life will remain empty if one falls into the trap of believing your children will be your wee performing cute monkeys. If you are a total narcissist youth-worshipper, you likely won't be amused by the lack of sleep, long tedious hours, and general other-centerdness required in childrearing.
If we were properly informed would we choose to procreate? Probably. Even cranky parents would agree that most days, it's still worth it.
