Ever get the nagging feeling that your baby is too fat? That he or she is a threat to your family's overall attractiveness? You’re not alone. Fake news reporter Samantha Bee knows just how you feel.
Tuesday night's episode of
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart debuted a new segment, “Baby Talk,” hosted by Sam and her husband, Jason Jones, also a
Daily Show reporter. (Jones couldn’t make it to the set in time for broadcasting due to his penchant for strippers – new dads gotta get it somewhere! HAHA!… Ha.) - but that’s another story).
According to Sam's report, a frightening number of our “natal American” population are lard asses who are getting… lardier. Bee says that in 1986, most American babies were “endearingly pudgy.” By 1996, the majority had become “fatty bo-batties.” And today, 62% of babies are simply “unlovable.”
What’s led to this horrifying surge in infant obesity? Well, Bee says, the answer is simple: our incompetent parenting. Her suggested remedy to the epidemic? “Healthifying” babies meals by scraping out the creamy filling of baby’s daily Ring-Ding, and replacing it with strained peas… or tuna fish. Mmmm. Thanks, Sam!
Can’t wait for next week’s segment, “Is Your Baby An Asshole?”
Stay tuned!
