This just in from The Department of Things You Probably Could Have Figured Out Yourself Because It's So Fucking Obvious:
A new study released by the Indiana University School of Medicine says "brain scans of kids who played a violent video game showed an increase in emotional arousal – and a corresponding decrease of activity in brain areas involved in self-control, inhibition and attention."
In other words, don't let your kid play too much Call Of Duty or Scarface because allowing that behavior makes him more likely to bust a cap in your ass.
(As an aside, do we really need this study? Seriously. Why do we constantly see studies that represent complete no-brainer issues. "A recent study has found that poop does indeed come out of your butt and not, as previously thought, your ears.")
Some wet blanket named Larry Ley, the director and coordinator of research for the Center for Successful Parenting, which funded the study, says the words no parent wants to hear: “Let’s quit using various Xboxes as babysitters instead of doing healthful activities.”
Nice idea, Lare, but why then does your site refer us to this depressing game, which asks players to dodge helicopter gun ships and sniper fire (read: violence) as they step up the World Food Programme’s presence in Sudan and help feed millions of hungry people. So violence is OK as long as you're feeding the hungry? And if we feed the hungry kids in Africa, how will Sally Struthers make a living?
Also, what's this shit about "quit using various Xboxes as babysitters instead of doing healthful activities?” Do you have kids, sir? Are you aware that pacifying a child with a video game, violent or otherwise, is good for about an hour of quiet, uninterrupted Web-surfing for porn? Without video games, none of us would have had the time to see the spectacular pictures of Britney Spears' crotch on the internet.
