One of the reasons I love The Onion is because they keep it real. OK, maybe real isn't the right word, considering it is The Onion. But they do nail it nearly all of the time.
Today's edition has a hard-hitting report on the widespread prevalence of daily child abuse, drawing from a national poll of 75 million kidlets aged 3 to 12. The results are sure to make parents gasp and children cheer (OK, maybe make parents laugh and children stomp off in a fit of angst over very clear sarcastic boundary-crossing).
The poll sheds light on all those horrifying ways we parents are harming 95% of our country's children, documenting, "abuses ranging from less severe offenses, such as children being denied
snacks just before dinner, to more egregious, long-term cases of
neglect, such as never ever getting what they want, ever."
Reading this has been a lightbulb moment for me, having just today committed such mortifying mommy abuses as insisting that my toddler wash his hands after sitting on the potty for twenty minutes even if he doesn't poop and refusing to allow anything from the Easter basket to be consumed for breakfast. If the children are speaking out, though, I know there's hope.
And at least I know now that I'm not alone. What Onion-esque child abuse are you guilty of today?
