Divorce sucks. Let me make that more clear: D-I-V-O-R-C-E S-U-C-K-S.
Especially for the kids. No matter how amicable it is between the
parents, there's going to be stress, and it's going to be on the kids
who generally feel responsible and powerless at the same time. A
winning combination, that, and one to foster many future hours of
therapy. Before we go all judgmental and throw out little gems like
"staying together for the sake of the kids", consider this: "[N]ational experts in child psychology agree
that it is hostility between parents rather than separation or divorce
that harms children."
I
agree wholeheartedly, because I've been going through the process for
nigh unto two years now and things are still not resolved. My three
children see their dad about half the time, coming and going and
dragging their little backpacks between the houses. It's heartbreaking.
It turns out that situations like mine can be helped by co-parenting counseling, which works to reduce hostility and to improve communication between parents.
(One
caveat: the co-parenting concept presumes that both parents are
"normal", meaning that there are no abuse issues on either side. If you
know anything at all about abuse, and I mean any kind of abuse, then
you know that the rules go out the window in those cases.)
In
many states, not in mine but in many others, divorcing parents are
required to prepare a detailed parenting plan that delineates all the
potential decisions, schedules, etc. that might arise in a joint
parenting situation. A good idea, that, and one to foster a sense of
joint responsibility and care that could only serve to help most
children involved. And it's really all about the kids, isn't it? I
think that if splitting parents could keep that in mind, there'd be a
whole lot less suckiness involved for everyone concerned.
