"Life has a way of sending us children who
prove to us that we definitely do not have all the answers and no
matter what we THOUGHT we were going to do before our child entered our
life, the reality of living, loving, and working with this separate
person forces us to examine some of our theories and intentions and
make adaptations."
I couldn't have put it better myself. In her post "The Role of Adaption in Parenting," Kori Rodley Irons examines how - and why - we adapt to our children as parents, and what the difference is between adapting to our kids' personalities/needs/tastes, and bending to their wills. It's essential to be able to recognize the difference, and to remain "in charge," while being open to change at the same time.
I have found that compromise, creativity, routine and positive reinforcement are essential to parenting in my house. And I've had to learn to adapt, over time, to all of them. Modeling compromise for my older daughter especially, often proves way more effective in terms of discipline than that "my way or the high way" stuff. There is a time and a place for that (I am not flexible on table manners, keeping hands to ourselves, or picking up our own messes, for example). But more often than not, getting to the bottom of what the feelings are behind the inappropriate behavior leads to a natural, neutral place, where punishment really isn't necessary. Getting creative has been as simple as creating a behavior chart, and as complex as thinking of ways to make the kids feel as though their in charge, even when they're not. Using positive reinforcement to encourage good behavior, rather that punishment to curb bad behavior, is something that as a parent, I have found hardest to adapt to, probably because it's so much easier to just sent the kids to time out, or whatever. But as I evolve, and as my kids come into their own as people, and we adapt to each other as we grow and change, it is my hope that the message I'm sending is that we an all learn from our mistakes, and change for the better, no matter how old we are.
How have you had to adapt as a parent? What do you find the hardest? What are you simply not willing to compromise on?
